RAIN: Go Beyond Your Left Brain
Just One of Those Days
It is the end of a long day. I am exhausted. My wife is waiting to pick me up outside the office. I love seeing her at the end of the day. But today I am late. Half an hour late. I feel a tightening in my stomach. Will she be angry?
As I climb into the passenger seat, my body tenses. I glance at my wife. She is silent, not looking at me. I see her hands grip the steering wheel. A little too tightly?
We make eye contact, and she holds my gaze, eyes narrowing. My stomach drops. Frustration? Distrust? My mind races. How can I explain? A momentary flush of irritation heats my face. My heart beats faster. “Why does she have to be so angry?” I think to myself, angrily.
Before the anger can build, it collapses. Exhaustion is stronger. My back aches. I am so tired. Time to break the silence. “It looks like there’s something on your mind,” I venture, “Is everything ok?”
“Wow,” she replies, “I really have to go to the bathroom.”
What Just Happened?
We have all been there. You think someone is angry. When actually, it is something else. Without any cues, our mind fills in the storyline. And as Dr. Brené Brown says, our storylines are often based on our own insecurities.
After being late to meet my wife several times, I started to believe that I was a fundamentally bad, late person. This feeling carried into other settings. I began to kick off work meetings with an apology for being late. I began to spend car rides watching the GPS, planning how I would smooth things over if I was late to the dentist. I began to criticize myself ferociously for being a bad, late person, whenever I found my wife sitting in the car. Ouch.
The good news is that situations like this are workable. Whether you find yourself running late, cycling through repetitive thoughts, or having the same arguments over and over, there are tools to help. Thank goodness!
Dr. Brené Brown describes the process as rumbling with our inner narratives. American nun, Pema Chödrön, calls it dropping the storyline. Neuropsychologist, Dr. Chris Niebauer, puts things in more scientific terms, “go beyond the thoughts of the left brain.”
Examining the Research
Why do we make up stories that are not true? What does it mean to, “go beyond the thoughts of the left brain?” Scientific research is beginning to answer these questions.
The logical left brain breaks things down into reasonable explanations, like a scientist. The right brain is more like an artist, communicating in an intuitive, non-verbal way. In a stressful situation, you might think the logical left brain would be the most helpful. Maybe, maybe not.
Dr. Michael Gazzaniga is famous for his research on split-brained patients. People who suffer from seizures sometimes undergo surgery that divides one side of their brain from the other. This reduces seizures and has an interesting side effect: it allows researchers to speak directly to the right brain, without the logical left brain being aware. And what does the logical left brain do when left to its own devices? It makes up stories.
In one experiment, Dr. Gazzaniga and his team showed the right brain instructions, like “walk,” or “laugh.” The logical left brain was unaware of any instructions. When asked to explain why they were following the instructions, participants’ left brains came up with completely incorrect (but believable) explanations.
A participant responding to the instruction, “walk,” explained they were, “going into the house to get a Coke.” A participant responding to the instruction, “laugh,” explained that they were laughing because the testing process was funny. Actually, both participants were responding directly to the researchers’ instructions, “walk” and “laugh.” Their logical left brains made up a false story to explain what was going on.
Sex researchers Dr. Cindy Meston and Dr. Penny Frohlich showed that arousal can also lead to false storytelling. They asked participants to rate the attractiveness of people in photographs, either before or after riding a roller coaster. Attractiveness ratings were higher after riding the roller coaster. The participants mistook arousal from the roller coaster as arousal in response to the photographs.
Our logical left brain is constantly making up stories. Scientists speculate that these stories are adaptive: they help to make sense of a confusing world. However, lying to ourselves can lead to suffering.
Living More Wisely
There are tools which can help us to live more wisely. We can learn to slow down and manage the stories our logical left brains make up, without letting them drive our actions. Psychotherapist and meditation teacher Dr. Tara Brach teaches a four step process for dropping the storyline and engaging with our emotions, called RAIN.
Before beginning, it is recommended that we find an “anchor” somewhere nearby. For example, some people choose a tree outside the window as an anchor. Others like to hold a cool stone in one hand as an anchor. We can also practice anchoring with a trained psychotherapist (more on finding the right therapist). An anchor is something that feels real in the world. If we start to become overwhelmed or get lost, the anchor gives us the ability to exit the RAIN process by focusing on what is real, outside of our mind and body.
Here are the four steps of RAIN:
R: Recognize what is happening. As I approached my wife in the car, I could feel my body tensing. My breaths became shorter and my heartbeats faster. As we observe our bodies, we learn that our bodies speak to us through physiological signals. Our bodies let us know that we are being “hooked” while there is still time to interrupt the logical left brain’s storytelling.
A: Allow the experience to be there, just as it is. Rather than reacting to my wife’s facial expression, I stayed with my body’s sensations: tension in my muscles, short breaths and quickening heartbeat. We can stay with the sensations in our bodies, not reacting, just allowing. In case this is overwhelming, remember to retreat to the anchor outside of your body and exit the RAIN process. It is always ok to try again later.
I: Investigate with interest and care. In the car with my wife, once I was aware of my body, I could greet my emotions by name (more on naming emotions). “Hello, anxiety, nice to see you,” “Ah, anger, my old friend.” We can accept our emotions as helpful friends, even the scary ones. Anxiety helps to identify threats in the environment. Anger helps to generate energy and take action. Consider greeting your emotions with curiosity and respect. What does the emotion feel like? In case this is overwhelming, remember to retreat to the anchor outside of your body and exit the RAIN process. It is always ok to try again later.
N: Nurture with self-compassion. As I sat in the car, I said “thank you” to my anxiety, anger, and exhaustion. Some people give their emotions an imaginary hug or pay their emotions respect mentally, “I acknowledge you.” Emotions can appear scary, like monsters. On closer inspection, they may be furry friends, who want to make sure we are safe before fading away on their own. If we respond to emotions with compassion and acceptance, we become wiser. We know how we really feel. Often, this reduces tension in the body, as well.
Dr. Brach’s RAIN process takes practice. Remembering all four steps is especially challenging during heated moments. Once we have practiced RAIN, we have an opportunity to do something brave and transformative. Instead of allowing our left brain to make up a story, we can act freely, without an agenda. Without a storyline, any action is fresh. Sometimes, we choose a wiser action. Or, realizing we need information, we ask a question. Always, we decrease the strength of old habits by exercising our power to think differently.
In the car, instead of arguing with my wife, I asked how she was. She wanted to go to the bathroom. So, I asked if she wanted to use the office bathroom. She said, “yes,” and we both found some connection and relief. There is still suffering in our lives. We hurt each other sometimes without meaning to. With RAIN, we can transform our suffering into better communication and shared growth.
If you like RAIN, you might also enjoy Kerry’s posts, How to Reset Your Brain and Body and 3 Ways to Let Things Go.
Adam Anderson is an MSW Candidate and intern at Reset Brain and Body. Reset Brain and Body is an integrative mental health care practice. Our services include individual and couples therapy, and family coaching, yoga therapy, play therapy, art therapy, and group programs and events. If there is anything we can support you with, please connect with us by emailing us visiting us on Facebook, or Instagram, or scheduling a session with one of our therapists.