TGIF: Managing End of Summer Anxiety & Blues
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Dear Community,
Welcome to our weekly well-being column TGIF - Your Weekly Reset. Each week I will answer questions from you (or topics of interest!), bringing in themes of mental wellness-related tools, reminders of gratitude, innovative solutions, and a summary of my own feelings related to the topic.
Submit your questions as often as you’d like and I’ll be sure to address them in our upcoming columns.
As always, thanks for being here.
This week’s question is not a question but a theme from friends and family over the last week, that perhaps you relate to as well
It’s getting colder, summer is over and I’m feeling blue. Did I enjoy summer enough? Did I make it magical enough for my kids? I don’t want warmth and sun to end, I’m afraid of coming colder months. What is this?
Readers,
Once I’ve heard something three times in one day, I know it’s important. That’s how today’s topic feels. I heard three different women express this anxiety and down feeling three different times in one day.
End of Summer Anxiety.
Fall Blues.
August Mom Melancholy.
Whatever you call it, I can 100% relate. I too found myself this last week stuck in some negative thoughts, “Did I do enough for my kids this summer? Was I around enough? Will they look back and be upset by going to camp all day? Did I savor the warm summer days enough? Why did I go to bed so early on beautiful nights? Where are all my friends? Did I miss out because we traveled so much? Will my kids be okay in their classrooms? Why is it so cold again?”
…and so on, and so on.
Before I even get started into this week’s TGIF further, let’s just all remind ourselves: you are not alone in these feelings. Hand on heart. Big breath.
Okay got it? Let’s continue on.
TOOLS
Many of you know that I’m not the biggest fan of social media; however, when my dad sends me a Reel on Instagram, I generally know it’ll be worth my time.
In perfect timing with my melancholy, anxiety, and blues of a week, my dad sent me this. Sometimes, with intentional usage and knowing what you’re looking for (validation, connection, information) social media can be a helpful tool.
I’m actually speaking about Social Media and Kids at the Novi Parent Camp on September 16th if you are local and interested in learning more.
But for me, watching this video was the “ah ha” I needed to quell some of my anxiety and the pursuit of perfectionism in parenting. Social media certainly has a lot of downfalls (comparison, distorted reality, fake news) but this video was a “win” in my book. I urge you to watch the 90-second clip, but essentially, the lesson was to stop worrying so much. My favorite line when asked about the “limited summers” with kids was the mom’s hilarious retort - “You’re 30, it’s summer, I still have you”.
Another tool I heard this week was from a mom who said that every night she uses an imaginary magic wand to woosh away all parent guilt. She takes it from head to toe in bed to just wash it all away. She then tells herself, “I did the best I could. I am a good parent. I have a good kid”. I love that ritual.
We need to give ourselves a break.
GRATITUDE
At the end of summer, we can be filled with thoughts about wanting something different - we don’t want the weather to change, the routines to begin, the rushing to emerge, and the stressors of so many activities. For me, I actually love back-to-school season for all those things - I love cooler weather, I adore the structure and grounding nature of Fall sports season, and the opportunity to connect again to my community.
I found myself feeling really lonely this week. I realized that all summer we were so busy traveling every weekend (nearly) that I missed my community. I missed casual get-togethers at the farmers market, seeing friendly faces at the coffee shop, and the conversations on the soccer sidelines and at school drop-off. Summer had pulled me away from feeling connected to home.
When I was feeling blue, I totally spiraled one day (while also very sick so that never helps!). I got spun up on regret, guilt, desperation, hopelessness, and feeling directionless, helpless, and stuck. I was sad about what I thought I didn’t have and didn’t do, really focusing on all the negative and grief. It’s really amazing how what we choose to focus on defines our mood. It took a powerful therapy session, a couple of long walks, and a lot of journaling to get out of my funk.
I also listened to this podcast episode and it snapped me back. Any advice from someone 3x my age I take wholeheartedly. My favorite lines were:
“Stop wishing your life away and don’t wish for something else. Just be so thankful for what you have right now. Stop waiting around for someone to do it for you. Wake up and be grateful for today and do what you have to do to create your life.”
INNOVATION
You know, gratitude isn’t an innovative practice, but time and time again in my life I find that its simplicity is what makes it so powerful. Just be grateful for what you have. If you are not grateful for each moment of today, you’ll never be satisfied with tomorrow. Seeking, searching, and pursuing are relentless ways to never feel contented and that gets exhausting.
I found that in the last 6 months, I’ve been really caught up in “what’s next”. I’m enrolled back in school for a 9-month program, we opened our 3rd office in Ann Arbor and had so much fun hiring new support staff and exceptional clinicians onto our team.
In life, it’s it really is the process that can be the most fun part. Planning a trip, building a home, searching for a new job, growing a baby, planting a garden… we humans love anticipation. This excitement over the process is also why the outcome may never end up meeting our expectations or we can easily become dissatisfied and move on too quickly to the next thing. Have you ever realized how rarely you pause to celebrate where you’re at in your life? With each new achievement, we often move on to the next thing without giving proper gratitude for what was just done.
So while gratitude isn’t innovative, slowing down still seems elusive to so many. When we slow down in the more routine moments of our lives, we can feel the full experience we’re having. When we embody the good, it touches us in a way that can quite literally stop us in our tracks. And that is a joyful experience that very rarely makes us want more.
FEELS
Did you notice the moon this week? Wednesday night we had a very rare Super Blue Moon. Due to the urging of two of my fantastic colleagues (thank you Cady and Eriana), I stepped outside at 9:36pm to witness the moon in her full splendor and I kid you not, my jaw dropped and I said out loud, “holy sh*t!”. It was incredible.
As I stood in the middle of the street in my culdesac staring at the moon, I took a few deep breaths. To be honest, if I wasn’t sick and it wasn’t for my neighbors, I probably would have howled. I felt the full experience of being present with this natural wonder, in the moment of gratitude for witnessing it and the wise reminder that I am so so so small here on this planet.
Perspective offers a pretty big shift in feelings. When we are feeling anxious, blue, guilty, discontent, sad, helpless, or hopeless, we quite literally have to get out of our own way.
Nature is a wonderful antidote to these feelings as big trees, expansive bodies of water, glimmering sunsets and sunrises, and the glory of a full moon produce a wonder that demands presence.
Exercise can do this too. Moving your body, taking deeper breaths, sweating, and physically moving the stuff around can shift the shit. Beyond that, talking with close friends and a therapist, reading books written by elders and poets, listening to wise old women on podcasts, journaling, meditating, producing art, and playing and listening to music all have the power to bring about perspective.
So this summer? I ask you: What went well? When did you feel joy? Reflect on the photos and the memories. Feel the full body experience of all the good, even if it still doesn’t feel enough because that’s okay, time is fleeting. But time is also relative. Don’t let scarcity, nostalgia, and grief rob you of what is and can be wonderful today, tomorrow, and yesterday.
PS- We have hot weather coming, so you’ll be okay. ;)
Hugs,
Kerry
