How to Practice Self-Compassion

Individual Reset

Jun 18

Published: Thursday, June 18, 2026

There are many moments in life that leave us feeling at a loss, with no clear solution. Experiencing some sort of problem or discomfort and the next thought being, “I have no idea what to even do”, can be extremely unsettling. Practicing self-compassion in these moments can, at the very least, give the mind something to focus on to help shift away from that panic. Not only can self-compassion provide a foundation for skillful coping in the moment, it can also foster long-term self-trust. Shifting from, “This is painful, I have no idea what to do”, to “This is painful, I will do everything I can to understand myself and honor myself” is actually quite a big difference.

So what does it actually look like to practice self-compassion? Two straightforward techniques that can be helpful for total beginners or for someone with a seasoned self-compassion practice are Kristin Neff’s Self-Compassion Break, and Tara Brach’s R.A.I.N technique.

#1: Self-Compassion Break

Kristin Neff is a pioneering researcher in the study of self-compassion. She’s written several books on the subject, and has developed courses to teach in-depth skills. The self-compassion break is a great place to start. In any moment of difficulty, no matter how small, try following this simple formula:

Mindfulness: acknowledge the difficulty
Common Humanity: remember that difficult moments are a part of being human
Self-Kindness: offer yourself support

Example: You got in an argument with your partner and you want a quick resolution, but they’d like some space. Instead of lashing out or disrespecting their boundary, maybe you step outside or go to a comfortable space and say to yourself (silently or aloud):

“This is a moment of difficulty. My partner and I are not on the same page and that makes me feel anxious.” (Mindfulness)
“Nobody likes feeling misaligned with their partner. Of course I’m feeling anxious. Difficult moments are a part of the human experience.” (Common Humanity)
“I don’t want to make things worse. Because I’m feeling this way, I can at least try my best to be kind to myself and give myself the support I need. I’ll start by making some tea and go from there.” (Self-Kindness)

You’d be surprised how a little bit of intention goes a long way. It feels so good to be seen and understood, especially by ourselves. By meeting ourselves with understanding instead of judgements in these moments, we can prevent an emotional spiral.

#2: R.A.I.N. Technique

Tara Brach is a psychologist and spiritual teacher, best-known as the author of the incredible book Radical Acceptance. Drawing on inspiration from her own spiritual teachers, she developed the R.A.I.N technique, which is designed to help people move through difficult emotions mindfully, rather than avoiding them. It’s similar to the self-compassion break, but goes a bit more in-depth.

R - Recognize: Notice what’s happening right now (thoughts, emotions, bodily sensations).

A - Allow: Let the experience be there, even for a moment.

I - Investigate: Explore the experience with curiosity and gentleness.

N - Nurture: Offer yourself what you need most in that moment.

Example:

Recognize: “I’m feeling anxious, my face is hot, and my heart is racing. I wish I could talk things through with my partner now.”
Allow: “I don’t like this feeling, but I acknowledge that this is what’s here.”
Investigate: “When I sit with this for a moment and turn inward I realize I’m feeling impatient. I wanted to have a relaxing night, and if this drags on forever, I’m going to feel burnt out tomorrow. I don’t have time to feel this way.”
Nurture: “This is really hard. It sucks to feel like my emotions don’t have room. Instead of shutting them down, I can let myself feel how I feel for a bit. Maybe I can take a nice, hot shower and wind down for the night before reconnecting with my partner.”
Making Self-Compassion Accessible

It’s normal to resist self-compassion at times. Our minds can tell us that it’s pointless or not enough, and those are fair thoughts to have. It’s frustrating to not have a clear solution that actually solves the problem at hand, and yet, we find ourselves in that reality at times. Self-compassion can help us to gain control and see a starting point to work through that reality, rather than remain frozen in it.

Consider these reminders to help make a self-compassion practice feel more accessible:

It can be quick! Seconds even. When short on time, try taking a deep breath and saying to yourself: “This is a moment of struggle. Struggle is part of the human experience. May I be kind to myself and give myself the support I need.”
Consider talking to/treating yourself like you would talk to/treat a child or animal. Use your own kids, pets, family members, inner child as an example to help! If 7-year-old me was having a hard time, what would I need?
Self-compassion is not toxic positivity. It’s about noticing what’s here and working to respond more gently. We don’t have to deny we’ve made a mistake to feel better about it. Instead try: “Okay I made a mistake. Nobody likes this feeling, but we’ve all been there. It already feels bad, I don’t want to make it worse. I can at least try to have my own back while I recover from this.”

Learn More: Books about Self-Compassion

If you’re interested in learning more about self-compassion and acceptance, feel free to check out the work of Tara Brach and Kristen Neff to dive deeper:

Reading List