TGIF | Navigating Compassion Fatigue and Vicarious Trauma: A Guide to Emotional Resilience
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Dear Community,
This week our question comes from a dear friend of mine. She wrote, “I’m tired and not doing okay. I cannot help but feel guilty that I am safe and worried about watering my house plants while there are so many people suffering. I don’t know what to do with this overwhelm.”
While empathy and compassion serve as a beacon of hope and unity, such feelings can also be a source of internal struggle. By the end of today’s newsletter, I want you (and my dear friend) to have more support in handling the big feelings related to witnessing other’s suffering.
TOOLS
Let’s spend this section today defining and validating what we call experiences of compassion fatigue and vicarious trauma. Unfortunately, these experiences are not isolated but deeply intertwined with the current events that shape our world.
A definition of compassion fatigue I like is, "Compassion fatigue is the emotional residue or strain of exposure to working with those suffering from the consequences of traumatic events." - Dr. Charles R. Figley
However, compassion fatigue isn't a concept limited to the professional realm- it’s a reality that many of us encounter as we witness the suffering and struggles of our fellow humans. The constant exposure to such distress can lead to emotional exhaustion, burnout, and a feeling of being overwhelmed.
As we grapple with the hardships unfolding around the world, our empathetic responses are tested, and it's crucial to recognize when the weight of caring for others becomes draining. People in caregiver roles, healthcare professionals, frontline workers, first responders, and humanitarian workers are especially prone to compassion fatigue.
In a similar vein, vicarious or secondary trauma “is an enduring psychological problem resulting from exposure to high levels of stress and emotion that must be understood by those who work to alleviate trauma." - Dr. Laurie Anne Pearlman
For many of us, simply observing media and current events exposes us to stories, images, and accounts of trauma that can profoundly affect us. Vicarious trauma is not just for journalists and crisis workers - it is now a reality for many of us as we bear witness to the distressing events unfolding globally.
GRATITUDE
For the last couple of weeks, we’ve been talking about saying “no” with boundaries and practicing self-compassion as a way to navigate difficult times. If you’ve been reading along, hopefully, you’ve started to implement some of these practices. And yet when we are experiencing secondary trauma and compassion fatigue, it can be hard to use the tools we logically know are helpful.
Specifically when we’re feeling survivor's guilt, this is a beautiful sign of your humanity and empathy. Pausing for a moment to just be grateful that you are paying attention is an act of self-compassion.
Just for a moment, can you express gratitude and kindness towards yourself that you care deeply about others? Your big feelings, when it’s the right time for you, can be a catalyst for social change… but it’s okay if you’re not there and ready yet.
INNOVATION
You see, our own abilities to practice self-compassion come from being resourced. I was talking to a client this week who is going through a very difficult time and they shared how challenging it’s been to trust themselves. I helped them see that when they are constantly in fight or flight (fear reactions) truth, intuition, and trust in themselves are nearly impossible. It is very difficult to practice empathy, self-reflection, and self-compassion when we are dysregulated by fear, trauma, and despair!
Being "resourced" in your nervous system is a term often used in the context of somatic experiencing and trauma therapy. It refers to a state of equilibrium and stability in which your nervous system feels safe, regulated, and supported. In this state, your nervous system has the capacity to effectively respond to stressors and challenges without becoming overwhelmed.
From this more resourced state, you have the ability to adapt to stressors and recover from challenges effectively. When resourced, you're less prone to intense, fight-or-flight responses when faced with stressors. Instead, you can respond with a more measured and thoughtful approach (i.e., self-compassion).
At Reset, helping individuals become "resourced" is an important step in trauma healing. It involves establishing a sense of safety and stability before addressing traumatic memories or experiences, as it provides a foundation for effectively processing and integrating those experiences. Either through your own methods or with a therapist, being resourced can be cultivated through various techniques, including mindfulness, relaxation exercises, movement, visualizations, and self-care and self-compassion practices.
FEELS
But here’s the thing: we do not live in a world where everyone has access to safety. Working with our clients, we see how many people (regardless of the acuity of their traumas and circumstances) can spend a lifetime living outside of their Window of Tolerance.
“The window of tolerance is a key concept in trauma therapy. It's the range in which we can engage with the world and ourselves in a meaningful way, without being overwhelmed by our emotions or dissociating from them." -Dr. Bessel van der Kolk
I have so many clients who never can give themselves grace and truly understand themselves until they see themselves in the Window of Tolerance model.
In the window of tolerance, an individual can handle everyday stressors, engage in meaningful relationships, and cope effectively with life's challenges. However, during times of trauma or extreme stress, one may temporarily move outside of this window, experiencing either hyperarousal (fight or flight response) or hypoarousal (freeze response).
The reality is that distressing worldly events never go away. There remains a constant war, pain, and suffering for people, animals, the climate… you name it. The goal, however, is not to dissociate, avoid, and numb (Freeze) or panic, rage, and get overwhelmed (fight) for too long or too often so that we cannot return back to equilibrium.
As humans, we must find a way to be in a relationship with the suffering of the world and with our own experiences. Suffering is an inherent part of the human condition and is a common experience shared. Just this understanding helps us cultivate greater compassion and less resistance. We can also accept suffering as natural by growing our capacity to hold space for that reality.
We can expand our window of tolerance by increasing the capacity to manage stressors and return to a state of equilibrium. This relates to the concept of the Middle Way - that you avoid extreme reactions to suffering, such as suppressing it or becoming overwhelmed by it by finding a balanced and skillful way to be present with suffering without getting lost in it.
This is not a simple task - it involves a lot of practice and support to build resilience and find effective self-care and compassion routines. It involves staying connected to others, nature, and something bigger than yourself. It means noticing when your capacity is waning - you’re experiencing compassion fatigue and secondary trauma - and then asking for help, saying “no” and establishing healthy routines.
It’s all the things and also none of the things because, as Thich Nhat Hanh says, “in the present moment there is no problem, no threat. If we don’t have a problem in the present moment, it means we do not have a problem.”
Remember, the present moment is right now, and right now, and right now.
And right now, you are okay. You can be okay. Right now.
