A Simple, Not Easy, Answer to Our Mental Health Crisis
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Hi, community:
Thank you for your warm reception of last week’s newsletter. You’re used to me being vulnerable and last week I was stepping into deeper territory. I appreciate your ongoing patience and support.
This week, in honor of the upcoming World Mental Health Day, I’d like to propose something for all of us to take a part in. It’s a simple answer to the mental health epidemic we’ve been thrown into since the beginning of Covid. Thanks for being here.
TOOLS
Remember how it felt to not be able to hug a friend or loved one during the pandemic? Remember that gap of connection that we could visibility see instead of just feeling the emptiness in our hearts? Remember how we ached to be able to sit in a friend’s living room and just talk?
And now. Do you feel the rush of keeping up with acquaintances via texting, social media DMs, and “likes” on their weekend outings? Do you feel the need to RSVP to every charity and holiday function? Do you see your calendar stretching your capacity while leaving you feeling “butter that has been scraped over too much bread”?
I heard something the other day that stopped me midstep during my daily walk in the neighborhood woods.
Dr. Lisa Miller was recounting our experience of the pandemic, the fragility of our adolescence, and the teetering our social communities seem to be on how to practice morality and goodness.
She mentioned the power of a neighbor. In fact, she said that:
Care for one’s neighbor is the highest predictor of good mental health.
GRATITUDE
I think during the pandemic we got used to our isolation. When it came time to come back together, we all lost some essential tools. We lost the skill (and maybe patience) for small talk. We lost the need to feel neighborly.
When I think of neighborly, my mind immediately goes to the epitome of a good neighbor: Mr. Rogers. Mr. Rogers has hundreds of profound quotes, but the mission he lived by and did his work by was simple: to help communities thrive.
And how did he do that? Well, Dr. Miller summed it up quite well: relationships need to be transformational, not transactional.
Mr. Rogers asked everyone, “Won’t you be my neighbor?”. See, Mr. Rogers knew that to be a neighbor is to be neighborly, which by definition is by being friendly, helpful, and kind. Simple.
And yet. Not always easy.
INNOVATION
So I want to offer all of you a formula for being neighborly, being a good neighbor, and having transformational relationships.
These principles come from an ancient yogic philosophy of Bhakti Yoga. Bhakti yoga sees love, for love’s sake, as the basic tenant of its teachings. It’s a pathway to connection, oneness, and reciprocity with all living beings.
Here are 6 key practices that I empower each of you to consider making part of your daily life and the backbone of your relationships.
Stop Criticizing Others - This is mindfulness: can you observe without judgment? Can you stop having opinions about others’ lives? Can you accept people as they are without a critical lens?
Be Tolerant - Can you create enough space within yourself to disagree with someone or something and find peace and acceptance within? Can you see differences and be open to them without the need for defensiveness, anger, and righteousness? Can you be firm and flexible in your beliefs that you do not need to preach them to others with superiority?
Take No Offense - Can you not take things personally, drop grudges and allow for easeful, loving conversations without such sensitivity? This also requires dropping the victim mindset ;)
See the Good in Others (and ourselves) - One of the most transformational beliefs is to believe that everyone is doing the best they can and in that, we see their goodness, their effort, and see them as love, regardless of imperfections and hostility. We can see them, fully, as someone in pain, suffering, ignorant, unaware, and in need of help. We stay open to love. And to take this even further, you offer the same courtesy to yourself.
Be Quick to Apologize - If you feel you’ve overstepped or could have been kinder, more helpful, or friendlier - just pause and apologize. Recognize a potential missed opportunity to be more neighborly and correct it. Even if you intended no harm. Even if you did no harm. It goes a long way to double back and let someone know you want to make it right.
Practice Gratitude - We tout the benefits of gratitude often around here (TGIF), but this is essential. See the good in your life. See the people, the community, beauty, magic, health, and abundance. Even on the bad days- especially on the hard days. This is how you maintain a transformational relationship with your own life.
FEELS
Writing this newsletter today, I felt a smile across my face. To me, these are words of opportunity and hope. These last few years, if you’ve been following along, I myself have experienced some dread and despair. I’ve felt the hopelessness surge up and the weight of the world’s problems heavy on my shoulders.
But at least today, this week, this season: I see goodness, change, and happiness attainable.
These are simple principles. I know they are not easy. So let’s each just start with one of the six to commit to each week. Be patient with yourself, but also catch yourself when you’ve slipped. Forgive easily. Try again.
If you want an experiential practice with these principles, please join me Monday night at 8 pm on Instagram for a talk and meditation exercise. I’m so excited to connect with you on World Mental Health Day.
And I’ll leave you with a beautiful quote by Ram Dass. As I stop and look up during my daily walks, I honor the trees. As I look around at the human faces and bodies, I too practice appreciating each and every one.
That judgment mind comes in. And so I practice turning people into trees. Which means appreciating them just the way they are. - Ram Dass
