How to Choose a Therapist
By Chidimma Ozor Commer, PhD, LMSW
Last Updated 03/10/2026
How to Choose a Therapist
Starting therapy can feel both hopeful and overwhelming. Many people know they need support but aren’t sure how to find the right therapist — or how to know if the relationship is truly helping. Therapy is not for the faint of heart, nor the weak. It is challenging work that can make life different, feel more grounded, and healthier.
It’s important to normalize that uncertainty can accompany therapy. Why? Because therapy is deeply personal, which means that finding the right therapeutic fit often takes time. Please take heart, as the therapeutic relationship itself is one of the strongest predictors of successful therapy outcomes.
What can I learn from this guide?
How to thoughtfully choose a therapist
How to evaluate whether therapy is working,
How to recognize when it may be time to conclude therapy, or find a new provider
How do I know what I need from therapy?
Begin with self-reflection.
Self-reflection before searching for a therapist can be helpful. Below are a few therapeutic journal prompts to help you discover what key factors might indicate a good fit.
What are you hoping to work through?
Are you seeking short-term coping strategies or deeper exploration?
Consider practical factors.
Specialty areas (anxiety, trauma, relationship support, etc)
What are the specialty areas of your potential therapist, and with what do you think you could use support?
Cultural responsiveness and identity considerations
Sometimes clients feel most comfortable with someone with similar lived experience and certainly with cultural responsiveness and attunement
Insurance, location, scheduling, and cost
Unless you able and willing to pay out of pocket (also called self pay or cash pay), you want to find a counselor who accepts your insurance. You’ll also want to find someone who provides therapy or counseling in the mode that works for you (virtual or in-person) and whose schedule overlaps with yours.
Explore which therapeutic approaches and modality make the most sense for your needs.
There are a multitude of modalities (CBT, psychodynamic, somatic, trauma-informed, etc.) that therapists use, so an exploration of which modalities would best suit you (your best guess is totally acceptable and appropriate!) is worth your time.
What are a few common therapeutic approaches?
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a modality whose aim is to change behavior through changing thinking (cognitive) patterns. A branch of CBT is mindfulness-based cognitive behavioral therapy (MB-CBT or MB-CT), which “combines the practical tools of cognitive behavioral therapy with the transformative power of mindfulness practices.”
Somatic therapy is “a body-centered approach to mental health that addresses how stress, trauma, and your emotions are stored in your body.” Somatic therapy allows practitioners to slow down to understand what they are feeling in their body and work through those stored emotions with the support of a therapist, thereby also learning tools to work through emotions when not in the presence of your therapist.
Trauma-Attuned/Informed Therapy includes modalities such as Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Sensorimotor Psychotherapy (SP), Brainspotting, and Deep Brain Reorienting (DBR), to name a few.
Therapeutic Reflection
“What kind of support would help me feel understood and safe right now?”
Therapy is not one-size-fits-all; clarity about your needs increases the likelihood of finding a strong match. Asking questions, doing some preliminary research, and engaging in quiet, self-reflection can help with finding a strong match who suits your needs.
How do I recognize a healthy therapeutic fit?
Notice the following signs of a strong therapeutic relationship during your sessions.
You feel respected and heard, especially if there is a misunderstanding.
Your therapist shows curiosity rather than judgment. He/she/they asks questions and ensures that you are clear that the questions are being asked seeking clarity rather than from a place of judgment.
Sessions challenge you while still feeling emotionally safe. Your therapist practices empathy, compassion, and understanding in session and outside of it.
Clear communication about goals and expectations goes in both directions.
Acknowledge that some discomfort may be normal, but severe or persistent discomfort may be a sign of a poor fit.
Remember that growth can feel uncomfortable. Similar to working out, therapy can feel uncomfortable even if in the end it will be good for you. However, persistent feelings of dismissal, misunderstanding, or lack of trust may signal a mismatch, which is worth discussing with your therapist.
Know that good therapists encourage dialogue.
The therapeutic alliance or relationship is a two-way relationship. As such, clients are allowed to discuss concerns with their therapist.
Therapy should allow space for feedback at regular and irregular intervals. A good therapist will take time to ask clients, “How has therapy been for you? What is working? What is not working?”
If a rupture (a misunderstanding or unintentional harm) occurs, there is an opportunity to move towards repair due to the open lines of communication.
Therapeutic Reflection
“Do I feel increasingly understood in this space, even when the work is difficult?”
How can I tell if therapy is working?
Notice these signs that therapy is helping you in your daily life, even outside of your sessions.
Increased awareness of patterns or triggers
Improved emotional regulation
More compassionate inner dialogue
Ability to navigate challenges with new tools
Remember that therapy takes time.
Progress doesn’t always mean “feeling better immediately.” It’s important to understand that therapy takes time. You may not feel better in one to two sessions, let alone in one to two months. Most therapists would agree that it is important to commit to 8-12 sessions before you may start to feel differently and able to utilize appropriate tools more smoothly with practice even if you begin to use those tools after your first session.
Keep your expectations realistic for the achievement of short-term vs long-term goals.
Bear in mind that some of your goals are short-term, while others require long-term exploration, which results in a longer time investment. You can’t expect change to happen overnight.
Therapeutic Reflection and Key Takeaway
“What has changed in how I understand myself since starting therapy?”
Don’t forget that growth can be subtle and gradual. You are doing the work, and even the smallest change is still a change worth celebrating.
When is it the right time to transition or conclude therapy?
What are some reasons why I should end therapy?
Your goals have been met.
You want to pause and integrate changes.
You have financial or logistical changes.
When and/or why should I seek out a different therapist?
There is a persistent lack of connection or trust between you (this can go in both directions).
Your therapist lacks expertise needed for your current concerns. A good therapist will practice in their “lane” and will refer out when appropriate.
Therapy feels stagnant despite open discussion.
An Affirmation for the Person Looking to Change Therapists
Changing therapists is not failure — it can be part of the process. This might be part of your work, to ask for what you need or say it outright. This is, of course, a balance between ensuring you are not running away from the work, but rather being intentional, thoughtful, and strategic and using your tools of self-reflection to make appropriate changes.
What steps should I take to begin transitioning out of care with my current therapist or counselor?
When possible, discussing the transition with your therapist can provide clarity and support. Oftentimes, your counselor may offer a closing session, which can be helpful as it provides a space to reflect on the work you and your therapist have done, identify what has been most useful for you, and discuss tools or supports you can carry forward.
Therapeutic Reflection
“What kind of support do I need in this next stage of my growth?”
Summary and Key Takeaways
Understand the Process of Finding a Good-Fit Therapist
Finding a therapist and knowing when to move on involves the following steps:
Knowing your own needs
Recognizing signs of a healthy therapeutic fit
Knowing when therapy is working
Recognizing when it is time to transition or conclude therapy
Practice Your Autonomy
Therapy belongs to you, the client. As a result, you are allowed to shape the journey in ways that support your wellbeing.
Key Takeaway
Choosing a therapist — and deciding when to continue or transition — is an act of self-awareness and self-care while leaning into your power. The right therapeutic relationship helps you feel seen, challenged, and supported as you grow. If that relationship evolves or changes, that’s not a setback — it’s part of honoring your own healing process and recognizing that both you and your therapist are human.
Need additional support?
Please explore these conversations with a licensed therapist or counselor, or contact us today to plan for your first therapy session with one of the members of our clinical team.
Ready to start your healing journey? Our therapists specialize in providing individual counseling for adolescents, teens, and adults (12+). Contact us to begin your healing journey today.
