How to Make Life Easier
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Hi, community:
Oh, goodness did my family have some big transitions these last couple of weeks. I have a Kindergartener and it’s been a hard, sad, and exciting beginning. But leading up to this point, I’m reflecting on how hard I made my life as I tried to make “the right” decision.
Today, we’re talking about how to make our lives easier, and shocker, it starts with us.
TOOLS
If you’re a long-time reader of this newsletter, you’ve heard me say this before: if you want your life to be easier, you have to do the hard things. If you want your life to be harder, you continue to do the easy things.
Ugh, I know. I wish the answer to How to Make Your Life Easier was also about doing easy things all the time. Stay tuned, I may have a hack for you.
The first, most important hard thing to do to make your life easier is to start looking at your stuff. No, not your personal belongings (although that may come) but your INNER stuff. Your thoughts, your behaviors, your impulses, and your reactions. Are you even aware of what you do and why you do it?
Oh, and the best way to do this? Get a therapist. We’re all pretty good at helping you look at your stuff. It’s basically why this industry exists. Just PLEASE do not follow Influencers on TikTok for mental health tips thinking you’ve now become aware and enlightened.
Tip: Looking At Your Stuff is not a Jiffy Lube type of deal. It requires patience, diligence, consistency, and work.
GRATITUDE
2. The next Hard Thing to Make Your Life Easier: Get Out of Your Own Way.
For a long time, I had heard the phrase, “Get out of your own way” and admittedly, never really understood what it meant. I specifically remember in my 20s hearing that phrase a lot about me and some of my friends who too were ambitious, impatient, and maybe a bit entitled too.
Through the years I have been able to better understand what getting out of my own way really means. I’m grateful for the help of many therapists over the last 15 years to help me. Again, back to #1 - get a therapist.
I often tell my younger clients that once we wake up to the thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors blocking us from feeling confident, secure, and accepting the work never ends. It’s like once you are aware, there’s no going back. If you’ve started this process of awareness as a teen or college student, the future can feel daunting and exhausting. It feels like around every bend (or with every encounter) there’s another thing to learn from, get curious about, and try to do better. I get it.
My therapist coaches me a lot on the never-ending pursuit of self-development. She said that sometimes we just have to rest in that at this moment, we’re doing enough and are enough and there’s not a destination we’re seeking. She’s right of course. Being in the mental health field you feel you can always improve, but at some point, we have to trust that we do not have to do anything or be anything to be enough. This takes me to the 3rd way to Make Your Life Easier…
Quick pause: Can you help us out? In our dreams to seriously make this world a better place, it helps to have the validation of you, our readers, and clients who have experienced our work. Would you mind taking 2 minutes to write us a review so more people can get access to Reset? I would be forever grateful. Thank you.
INNOVATION
3. So third thing to do to make your life easier? TRUST.
One of the hardest things to do that makes your life easier is choosing trust.
Trust that everything that happens in your life is for you not being done to you.
Trust that any misstep, failure, or obstacle is something that while painful, you can overcome and will overcome.
Trust that you are always supported and never, ever alone.
Trust that you do not have to do anything or be anything to be loved.
Trust that you are naturally, innately good, and worthy of goodness in your life.
Trust that forcing, controlling, and planning are simply illusions and that letting go is the only truth.
Trust that surrender does not mean giving up, it means relaxing in to life.
Trust that yes, actually, everything will be okay.
Trust that maybe, everything will be even better.
OH NO, but trust is HARD and goes against most human survival instincts! Trust means letting go of our control, exertion of force and power, and instead easing through life.
FEELS
So to summarize, The 3 Ways To Make Your Life Easier:
Starting looking at your stuff
Get out of your own way
Trust
These are all hard things. But have you ever felt that magic when you find that everything is falling into place around you? When you feel like all is okay and good and easy and you can relax? Then, does the Ego rise up and freak out and let fear rule the way because “what if this all goes away and I’m doing it all wrong"‘?
I have so many clients who when things are finally feeling easy, self-sabotage as they are waiting for the other shoe to drop. They start to question relationships, question good things happening, engage in their Ego parts, and falter under the pressure of all this doubt and suspicion. In short, they don’t get curious about their thoughts/behaviors/reactions, do not get out of their own way, and do not trust.
I made my life a lot harder these past few months by questioning, forcing, and controlling. I forgot how to surrender. I forgot that sometimes the simplest answer is the answer. I forgot to trust in my intuition and inner guidance.
My Ego was in control. My Ego was looking for the right instead of what was best at this moment. My Ego loves to be right. My Ego loves to look superior, more educated, more informed, and more intelligent.
But my heart, my soul, and my inner trust are always effortless. When I relax into the trust (after being aware of my stuff and getting out of the way of my stuff)…everything falls into place. Things flow. Life is gentler and slower and more easeful.
Effort is for the Ego.
Ease is where we find our true selves. And it is good.
