TGIF | How I Responded to My 6-Year-Old Asking for a Phone
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Dear Community,
In the lead-up to my discussion with Plymouth Canton School District next week, I found myself grappling with a stark reality when my 1st grader expressed a desire for a phone on his upcoming birthday. As a parent advocating the "Wait Until 8th" mantra and emphasizing the pitfalls of social media, this revelation was jarring.
We're in a unique predicament as parents. The allure of these glowing screens captivates our children, presenting them as sources of fun, inspiration, and endless opportunities. Despite our efforts to label our phones as tools for work, the undeniable truth remains – they are, in essence, entertainment devices. Even PBS cartoons and school classrooms employ tablets for educational purposes, making it challenging to establish boundaries when the system seemingly endorses more screen time.
I resonate with the defeat many of you may be feeling. The pervasive presence of smartphones and social media can leave us believing our children are already too deeply entrenched in the digital realm. However, I believe we can regain control and influence. Together, we can stand against the algorithms and tech giants attempting to draw our kids deeper into the online abyss.
Strength lies in unity. We need each other in this journey. Astonishingly, 50% of parents express relief that social media wasn't around during their childhood, while 40% worry about their children's online usage. Yet, these numbers likely underestimate the concerns. The danger emerges when we succumb to groupthink and allow our children, regardless of age, to dictate their digital consumption.
Let's pose a question to ourselves for perspective: If we understand the health risks, addictive nature, and substance-related issues tied to tobacco, would we permit our 8-year-old to smoke cigarettes? How about a 17-year-old convincing us otherwise?
Consider this – social media stimulates the same addiction receptors in the brain. Dr. Anna Lembke eloquently states, "Social media exposure, with excessive stimulation to the brain’s reward centers, can trigger pathways comparable to addiction." It's a truth we cannot ignore.
Too much time indulging in pleasure-seeking activities prompts our brains to crave more, leading to a diminishing sense of joy once the activity ceases. The digital world's boundless stream of content allows for binge-watching without practical limitations, hindering the development of a robust prefrontal cortex, crucial for executive function control.
Instant gratification begets a limited attention span, anchoring us in the limbic brain, which processes emotions, rather than the prefrontal cortex responsible for future planning and problem-solving. The Limbic Brain probes the fundamental question of whether we are loved, driving us to seek emotional fulfillment…online through likes and superficial engagement.
Devices become tools to evade discomfort, providing pleasurable distractions instead of addressing underlying issues. The truth is undeniable, and the ubiquity of access is inescapable. However, we can prepare for, if not shield our children from, the impacts of technology.
Together, as a community, we possess the collective power to shape a digital landscape reflective of our cherished values. Personally, I've communicated with my child that a phone will not be part of his life until he turns 17. A computer for school work and a GPS-enabled watch will suffice until then. Though it may feel isolating, I'm resolute in my decision. If phones and social media pose a threat to our children's mental health comparable to cigarettes' impact on physical health, choosing otherwise seems inconceivable.
As we navigate this digital terrain, let's foster a community where open conversations flourish, supporting one another in guiding our children toward mindful technology usage. I invite you to join me in two upcoming opportunities to delve deeper into this crucial conversation:
And dear ones. If you are unable to attend one of these talks, please look out for a Zoom Webinar hosted by Reset in the next couple of months. I believe knowledge is power and we are always better, stronger together.
You’re never alone.
Hugs.
And this week’s TGIFs…
TOOL - As caregivers, guardians, and parents of the next generation, we are not powerless against the influences of technology. For me, joining together with other parents as concerned and passionate has helped me find strength. I suggest creating a Social Media Pledge at your school or better yet, a parent sub-committee within your FFO or PTA.
GRATITUDE - I just love this website for its wealth of information, support, and validation around all things kids and phones.
INNOVATION - This book is being heralded as a wonderful read for middle school kids feeling pressured to upload their own videos on social media and “belong”.
FEELS - TBH, the entire parental controls arena of tech is so overwhelming to me. Right now, I feel safe in that #delayistheway for our family and I’ll keep at it. But for those of you who have kids old enough to already be well in the online world, I suggest this guide for parental controls. It is so comprehensive!