Why It’s So Hard to Trust Yourself
This article is part of our weekly TGIF newsletter series. To get these in your inbox weekly, sign up below:
Hi, community:
What if I told you that there could be hundreds of little, tiny people inside of you? What if that little army all had names like The Judge, The Star, and The Escape Artist? What if you know that these little, tiny people inside of you speak your words, move your body and direct almost every thought? What if you could feel free from all that noise?
Today, friends, I want to talk to you about parts.
TOOLS
Parts Work has become a bit more mainstream in the last couple of years. Like much of the rise of mental health care, TikTok and influencers “finding themselves” during Covid have resulted in some growing attention and awareness.
You may have heard or seen people talk about healing their inner child, their mother-wounds, and doing “IFS”. In spite of the recent popularity, parts work is incredibly helpful and used by all Reset clinicians as an insightful tool to gain access to quieting the noise in our heads.
I break down our version of parts work using the Shame Triangle in this video. It’s a good place to start, but I want to share the why behind this work.
GRATITUDE
If you’ve realized I’ve been quiet the last couple of weeks, it’s because I’ve had to turn inwards more. I had some recent really transformative personal growth opportunities that I’ll share at a later date, but right now I’m still in process mode.
A way of processing my internal experience has been through parts work. In the corporate landscape, we call this our Model of Compensatory Behaviors and in our individual work, we call this the Shame Triangle.
See, I AM is much greater than the “sum of my parts”. Parts work teaches me that I AM is the observer of my parts. My internal essence that greater and more powerful than all my parts put together because it is not ruled by ego, power, shame, fear, apathy, guilt, or pride. When I can parse out all the players within me, I can see clearly how all of these parts are in a relationship with each other.
And their purpose? The purpose of my shame, guilt, perfectionist, people pleaser, indulgent, spontaneous, non-committal, Type A parts?
To protect me.
And despite all these parts creating chaos within, I can learn to appreciate them. To find gratitude for their efforts.
Quick pause: Can you help us out? In our dreams to seriously make this world a better place, it helps to have the validation of you, our readers, and clients who have experienced our work. Would you mind taking 2 minutes to write us a review so more people can get access to Reset? I would be forever grateful. Thank you.
INNOVATION
If I’ve lost you, I’ll slow it down. I know this is abstract in many ways.
But I want you to consider what I posed earlier: what if that voice in your head that makes you say “yes” one too many times is a part of you acting in response to a threat by just trying to behave in a way to protect you and the perception of you?
What if you can acknowledge that this over-commital part is actually just scared of being abandoned if you say “no”?
What if you can be thankful for this part of you for trying to ensure belonging, community, and love?
What if this observation allows you to step back and consider what YOU really need and want?
What if then you do not burn yourself out on something you’re less than passionate about and instead spend quality time in the bathtub, alone?
What if during that time you’re able to read a lovely book that takes you into a world so vibrant that the idea of being “alone” is long forgotten because you are so present and enjoying yourself?
What if then the next day instead of waking up feeling behind, sluggish and regretful you feel alive, excited, and self-soothed?
What if that energy allows you to move your body, eat nourishing food, play with your pet or kids and look up toward the sun?
What if you could be really, really happy?
FEELS
Friends, we’re all just trying to get free.
Free from our minds, our egos, our power trips, our guilt, our fears, our shames…the noise and nonsense, and chaos and confusion.
Some of us choose that freedom looks like control (but that’s a Part). Some of us choose that freedom looks like rebellion (and that’s a category of Parts). Some of us choose not to feel at all.
I want to feel. I want to not be ruled by my stories, my fears, and my pride. I want to lean into my knowing that comes deep in my core and speaks to me with vibrations, energetic pulls, and quiet whispers in stillness. In my knowing, I find my true Self. I find who I’ve always been and will always be. I find the observer. I find my inner calm and peace where I can relax, let go, and let be.
But, we have no chance at freedom unless we start to see our internal experiences with more clarity. Until we acknowledge and appreciate all the little parts of us trying to just make us feel love, we’ll always assume love is something you have to work for, force, and achieve. Until we realize our Self is always loved, supported, and good enough, we’ll always behave in redemption, pride, shame, and fear.
We must first step back and observe. Then, we can be free.
Slow down. See clearly. Trust the real YOU inside of you. Change your life.
Hugs to each of you. We’re here for you on this pathway to freedom.
