How to Get Out of Fight or Flight Mode
Last Updated 02/16/2026
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How to Get Out of Fight or Flight Mode
How an Integrative Therapist Releases Stress
This weekend I needed some catharsis. Sometimes, for me, that is using sad songs, books, or movies to bring out the tears that are stuck. So, I spent some of my weekend watching the emotional documentary Come See Me in the Good Light, featuring Poet Laureate Andrea Gibson. They were diagnosed with ovarian cancer in 2021 and then, in 2023, found out it was incurable. While it is absolutely a story of grief and loss, Andrea has such a powerful light that it is also a story of hope, positivity, and being alive in the wake of a terrible outcome.
Andrea’s partner, Megan Falley, is an eternal optimist who even says in the documentary that she’s learned how much a waste of time, anxiety, and worrying are. Sure, things could go horribly wrong…or they couldn’t. So might as well be present in what she knows right now to be true and enjoy that. I think their partnership makes Andrea’s diagnosis experience that much more beautiful.
Two people, facing a known ending, choosing joy, play, and LIFE anyway.
A Personal Experience with Despair
In contrast, recently I found myself at brunch where the conversation immediately turned dark. Before we’d even ordered, someone asked, despairingly, “Okay, so where are we moving?” Talk of hiring real estate agents in Portugal, plans to live abroad, abandoning America and all its “wreckage.” I sat there feeling heavy, and not just because there wasn’t even a mimosa to lighten the mood.
I understood the impulse. I really did.
What is Fight-or-Flight from a Mental Health Perspective?
Fight or flight is a reaction to stress and/or trauma.
Admittedly, I can say that I have 100% been caught in the fight-or-flight response when it comes to stressors. Just like I talked about a few weeks ago, we all have a primed stress and trauma reaction, and I think that to flee is also to know you have somewhere to go. Growing up, my mom, when overstimulated and reactive to raising three headstrong girls, would literally drive to our condo in Michigan. I grew up in Chicago. The psychoanalyst in me doesn’t miss the irony of my now living in Michigan. But my mom had somewhere to go, a place to escape safely. She had options.
Examples of fight or flight mode from a therapist
I’ve noticed that I tend towards fleeing as well. I love to escape - in my mind or physically. I’m the person who walks away in an argument, happily sleeping on the couch in order to avoid a night of conflict. I plan trips to places I’ll never go, just to enjoy the idea of leaving. And once, I got so mad at my kids that I got in my car and drove off. Thankfully, I only got to the end of our neighborhood before turning around and apologizing. I wasn’t going to repeat the cycle. But what a privilege that I have options.
What to do when you feel like giving up
I’ve noticed something lately - a heaviness settling over people with resources and options. A giving-up attitude that shows up as doom-scrolling, half-hearted donations, and serious escape planning. A narrative that it’s already over, so why bother fighting? And look, I’ve entertained these thoughts too. The pull to flee when things get hard is real for me.
But the thing is - to me, it feels awful and shitty to abandon my community, my fellow Americans, and most importantly, give up just because I may have the means to.
What to do when you feel overwhelmed
Find inspiration to cultivate courage, and stay determined.
What moves me are the people who fight as if they have everything to lose. I think about earlier generations who fought hard for rights we now take for granted. I think about communities - past and present - who have faced unimaginable oppression and still chose resilience, still found joy, still showed up with hope when hope seemed impossible. Not because they’re inherently stronger or better, but because fleeing often wasn’t an option. They had to find another way. And what they found - what they created - was powerful. Faith. Community. Art. Resistance. Joy as an act of defiance.
Live in the moment.
Like Andrea Gibson, they had no other option but to live this moment joyously, love hard, practice their faith, be in community, and be surrounded by loved ones as the end of days approached. They fought hard because they had everything to lose - their LIFE - and that meant something. It is not frivolous to want to protect what you have and fight for more. It’s an act of valor to stand up for what you hope life and the lives of others could be - to keep fighting even when your own ending is inevitable.
Don’t get stuck in despair.
Here’s what I’m wrestling with: When we have resources, safety, and options, despair can become its own kind of refuge. We can afford to marinate in the worst-case scenarios. We have the luxury of doom. And I think - I really think - this is different from the very real mental health struggles many of us face. I’m not talking about clinical depression or trauma responses that deserve compassion and treatment. I’m talking about a cultural performance of hopelessness. A collective agreement that being visibly affected - through languishing, catastrophizing, planning our escapes - is how we show we care. And I don’t buy it anymore.
How to Get Out of Fight or Flight Mode
1. You need play and joy.
Here’s what I need instead - and maybe you need it too: Examples of people choosing PLAY in spite of terror. People showing us beauty and LOVE and genuine smiles and real connection, even when hate is at our doorsteps. Laughter, dancing, art, and fun for the sake of fun - not as denial, but as resistance.
2. Be present.
If the worst really is coming, how do we want to have spent this time? In anxiety and exit planning? Or do we want to look back and know we LIVED? That we fought for our home, for our communities, for each other? That we showed up with presence and light and messy, imperfect hope?
3. Stop ruminating, start doing.
Dysregulation that becomes immobilization or running away does not serve anyone, other than entertaining our ruminations. Activation is essential - while sometimes that is through anger, we can also choose activation through courage, hope, and love. With this aliveness of energy, we can stand up for something, come together for justice, instead of being stuck in what has been lost.
Why I’m Making the Choice to Stay
I keep thinking we have so much to learn from people throughout history who faced impossible odds and chose differently. Not the sanitized versions we learned in school, but the real stories of resilience, faith, and gathering of hope in the darkest times. The strategies of joy as survival. The power of showing up when staying in would have been easier.
So here’s my invitation: What if we chose to stay? Not just physically, but emotionally, spiritually, communally. What if we decided to fight and love and create and connect like we have everything to lose - because we do?
What would change if we showed up this week as if our presence matters? Because it does.
Let’s be people who choose life, even in the hard. Especially in the hard.
Support for Your Mental Health
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Conscious Transparency: This newsletter was edited by AI for grammar, spelling, and sentence structure, but every idea, tone of voice, perspective, and word choice was my own. This newsletter is imperfect because a human wrote it. Thank you for your graciousness.
This week’s Tools, Gratitude, Innovation, Feels
Tools: This week, there was a flurry of text messages with other mental health practice owners about training our team on emergency protocols, protecting our clients’ rights, and standing up to warrants or agents knocking on our doors. This type of collective resource sharing and empowerment was so encouraging. Spending hours of time sharing these protocols with our team so that we can all be prepared to protect each other - this is what I’m talking about in how we can come together and take purposeful, meaningful community action. If you don’t already know your rights and the rights of all immigrants, be sure to read up on them and know how you, too, can speak up.
Gratitude: I generally don’t go on Instagram much, but this is one account I’m grateful for spreading hope and optimism.
Innovation: Oftentimes, resistance and defiance are uncomfortable. It requires some sacrifice. Well, that is exactly Scott Galloway’s proposition with his Resist and Unsubscribe website. Deleting these apps and conveniences will absolutely challenge you. Try it anyway.
Feels: I learned a mantra a while ago, after my own traumatic event, that was so simple and impactful. It said, “Right now, I am safe.” Right now. Not tomorrow, not in 10 years, not when I’m 75. Right now. So what will I do with what I have, how I am, how lucky I remain, right now? Even when all feels doom and gloom, we can choose presence. I have a tea bag quote in my bathroom that I received in January of 2025 and 2026. It says, “Be fearless and know all will be provided for”. To me, that is a reminder to face my fears right now and trust that whatever comes will come and be what it is. Pain and loss are inevitable. But right now? I want to choose to live without fear so I can enjoy the moment.