From Indifference to Love
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September was incredibly full for me—with sports, concerts, and time outdoors at the many festivals and events, as well as outdoor dining, all still available as summer weather lingered. I'm so grateful to have seen The Lumineers for my fourth time at Comerica Park on a gorgeous late-summer evening.
One line from their song, Stubborn Love, always hits me:
“The opposite of love is indifference.”
Currently, I can understand how many people want to zone out from the overwhelming amount of national and global news. Not a day goes by that a headline isn't tragic or maddening. This is part of the reason I reserve my media days for Sundays, being intentional and slow as I scan what I need to know, careful not to absorb too much.
But often it's unavoidable—I overhear conversations on the soccer sidelines, catch them from my husband's phone calls, and hear snippets in emails. While my practice is set up to sustain and protect me, there is a fine line between boundaries and indifference.
Years ago, I had a teen client who shared that the most awful thing that could happen to her was to become irrelevant. For her, it was the fear of being so banal that she would be unimportant and thus excluded from social talk and peer groups. She used social media as a way to stay relevant—tagging people, ensuring she was active, and presenting a view of her daily life that seemed enviable. Of course, as an adult, your heart breaks at this young person's insecurities. But there was something so true here, too—when we treat others with indifference, they feel unloved, unwanted, and unworthy. She was only trying to belong.
Acknowledging the Nuances of Boundary Setting
We can also hurt others when we hold so tightly to boundaries that they come across as vindictive and lacking compassion. Of course, some boundaries are vital for our safety, but boundaries without acknowledgment can be so hurtful. I know many clients who have gone "no contact" with a family member due to harm or hurt that has occurred. Many feel this is the only way to protect themselves and keep themselves safe from psychological harm. However, what I have noticed more and more is that no-contact boundaries can be dangerous and weaponized with the illusion of control—a form of manipulation and mental warfare.
How Acting with Indifference and Apathy Harms Our Communities
When we operate with indifference, we're really operating from a deep sense of apathy. Apathy is the lowest vibrational energy possible. It's an intentional disregard and lack of concern. It is often paired with a victimhood mindset—a feeling that someone or something has done something to us. Typically, we double down on the assertion that we are better than others, often lacking awareness of our own faults or areas of accountability.
What we think is protection is actually disconnection—from others and from the opportunity to alchemize our pain into a better version of ourselves. From a place of indifference, we're actually choosing to make a judgment and decision by doing nothing. We choose to ignore someone, leave them out, and isolate them.
Zooming out from the interpersonal level, this is a problem affecting us on a national level. As a collective, many of us have chosen to disregard whole swaths of humans. Believing them to be unworthy and unsafe, we have turned our backs on individuals whom we've made judgments about—individuals who belong to a group that we believe is doing something to us. In the name of self-advocacy and self-empowerment, we speak our truths and then walk away, practicing indifference and apathy towards those who we believe have hurt us. We disregard them, give no second chance, and don't care to let them explain themselves.
I know that many people believe some individuals' actions require no explanation. That hearing their side would do no good. It's safer to avoid and block them. To ignore that they exist. To silence their messages and prevent the algorithm from sharing their stories. To have boundaries so our feeds, our circles, our lives are only reflections of our own interests and values. We protect ourselves that way.
Or so we think.
What is the alternative to indifference? How do we love the people who we believe are “against” us?
But I don't believe this is the way forward. I believe we must become deeply uncomfortable and vulnerable to see the light and possibility of love in each human, in each group, and in each collective, no matter how different from us. That we cannot just espouse our hurt and walk away, but we must stay to hear the other side. We must ask questions and lead with curiosity, rather than righteousness and defensiveness.
We must hold the light and be strong enough in our own light to welcome others—to welcome their darkness, their differences, and their wounded inner children. To love the unloved. To let someone know that, despite their misgivings, mistakes, and imperfections, they matter. There's always a chance to learn something, to grow, and perhaps become more aware, kinder, and open.
Perhaps it's magical, wishful thinking. But this framework gives me a beacon of hope and a way forward. It's my own compass for navigating these times. Be the light. Grow bigger. Let others in. Be brave, vulnerable, and truthful. Listen and stay curious.
I hope you can do the same.
As always, you’re never alone. Big hug. We’ve got this.
Support for Your Mental Health
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Conscious Transparency: This newsletter was edited by AI for grammar, spelling, and sentence structure, but every idea, tone of voice, perspective, and word choice was my own. This newsletter is imperfect because a human wrote it. Thank you for your graciousness.
This week’s Tools, Gratitude, Innovation, Feels
Tools: I’ve been leaning more and more into spiritual teachers of non-duality and various faith traditions lately for my own grounding and solace. I consider myself a Universalist and remain curious about all faiths and traditions. Something I’ve found intriguing is the way individuals channel and offer wisdom from ancient leaders. Not all will find comfort in this, but this is one teacher/reader I’ve found to be quite genuine and hopeful.
Gratitude: Speaking of non-duality, I started reading Brené Brown’s newest book, Strong Ground, and she often uses the term "paradox” as her own explanation for holding two truths and practicing non-separation. I’m so grateful for leaders like her bringing this concept to business leaders, as it’s a mindful way of seeing and being in the world that feels urgent now.
Innovation: Our intensive program is revolved around our signature method, the SUMMT. In this experience, we can visit memories or drop into a liminal space. Clients have shared that this liminal space is the most spiritual, peaceful feeling they’ve ever had. Some clients connect with loved ones, with their own inner children, with their wise essence. It’s an honor to guide clients to that place. My wish is for everyone to have the opportunity to experience it. Maybe you’ll join us soon.
Feels: One of the best things I can do for myself in moments of frustration with others is to stop and notice if I’m taking it personally. As a business owner, it’s easy for me to personalize every piece of feedback and judgment from others. I am so attached to Reset and its sustainability that discontentment feels so threatening. Rather than react with anger and defensiveness, I’m really working on staying in my light, connecting with my highest self, and then getting curious. Pause. Breathe. Reset ;)