Mindful Parenting: Choosing Connection over Perfectionism
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As a parent or caregiver, quiet moments can be rare. It’s easy to get swept up in the busyness of meetings, summer camp drop offs, soccer tournaments, meal prep, and more. Maybe it’s technically possible to pencil in even just 5-10 minutes for yourself before the kids wake up, while you’re cooking dinner, or while away from home on a solo drive. But more often than not, the quiet comes layered with something else: walking the dog, writing emails, prepping lunches, getting ready for bed.
At Reset Brain and Body, we recognize connection as a pillar of foundational wellness. Though it can be easy to get carried away with the stressors of everyday life, at the end of each day, we know it’s important to affirm that especially within family dynamics, slowing down and tuning in to those feelings of connection can be the greatest gift you give yourself - and your kids.
Barriers to Connection
Three weeks into summer, and I am feeling exasperated and defeated. I turned to a workshop this week to try and understand why my kids were fighting so much. The key lesson: your kids fight when they don't feel connected to you.
This can be a tough pill to swallow, especially when you feel like you are already doing all you can for them. School, camp, and extracurricular pickups and drop offs. Playtime on the weekends. Neighborhood parties and gatherings, playdates, family time and family dinners - doing all of this can trigger feelings of defensiveness. You may even question what more could you possibly be doing to connect with your children.
And yet, are these truly moments of connection if they are layered with more doing together and less being together?
What arises in the stillness is often messy and uncomfortable. It's more familiar and comfortable to keep doing, keep multitasking, stay engaged—albeit perhaps disconnected. As someone who vows to slow down, who makes it my mission to be more mindful, realizing I'm still caught in the chaos of planning, performing, and perfectionism is tough.
Radical Acceptance and Self-Compassion for Parents
Another thing the sibling workshop mentioned was how, when we go to "talk about the conflict," it's an illusion to think we're going to walk away with one truth. Aiming for resolution and agreement about what occurred is, again, an attempt to control an outcome.
There are so many times I've noticed myself rushing through to just get to a certain ending—one where everything could make sense and then I could feel at peace. I've self-abandoned in an effort to do so. I've stopped advocating for myself. I've martyred myself. In an effort to just "feel better," I try to move quickly through (or over) the pain that comes with unclear answers, uncomfortable discord, the fact that not everyone can or will be satisfied.
I find myself parenting this way too. They fight and I want quick peace and love, back to everyone being "okay" so I can feel safe (aka no longer stressed in my body). However, their decisions of whether or not to reconcile right away are things that are outside of my control - they are things that I have to try to simply accept.
Journaling as a Tool for Mindful Parenting & Self-Regulation
So in the quiet this week, I got out my journal and asked the question, "Why am I so down?" And I listened. I listened while writing as fast as I could to capture every word that came deep from my wise self—the calm, slow, nurturing, and loving voices of my essence, my ancestors, my spirit guides, my God.
And here's what they said:
Dear one. Oh honey, you're not depressed. You're simply connected. This is what it feels like to be tuned in. Things are heavy. You're worried about the world, your children, your marriage, your friend's health—you're worried about how to keep it all together. This is connection to your very real feelings. So what to do about it? Feel them. Don't dismiss or try to shake it off right away. Use this space, the slow, to feel, connect, honor, and acknowledge. Nothing has to be changed or fixed. There isn't always a solution. There's so much conflict everywhere and internally too. It's the practice of showing up to that tension without judgment, with compassion, and without an expectation of resolution. Listen to the conflict within, the tension, the worry, and allow it all to just be—without banishment. Give it all space to be heard even though no pretty prize, perfect solution is available. This is the process of being, without the fear of scarcity and perfectionism driving toward resolution, answers, and certainty. You're allowed to feel raw, unsettled, vulnerable—all without a quick fix. Be with it. Allow it. Breathe with it. Honor it all. We love you. Life can be challenging, but you're never alone.
As I read these words back to myself, I felt both relief and recognition. This sadness, this dysregulation—fear, worry, angst, anger, boredom, weariness—it's important. It's signaling an opportunity to tune in, to listen, to connect to something deeper, and maybe painful. It's alluring to constantly dissociate through busyness and doing, and yet by continuing that pattern, I'm missing the real moments of engagement in this world, in my world and my children's world.
Being Intentional about Making Space for Mindfulness & Connection
What if the antidote to feelings of disconnection and dysregulation are right in front of us?
Today, I took 20 minutes out of the rush of our morning routine to play baseball with my 5-year-old. There were a million things I could be doing. Same when I sat down to journal and reflect. But choosing the hard thing—which in our hustle and bustle world is to drop from the cycle and step into present connection—is the practice. It's always been the lesson.
Mindfulness-based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (MB-CBT) guides us in developing a more compassionate relationship with our thoughts and emotions and drawing our attention to the present moment. Rather than existing in a state of future plans and past regrets, MB-CBT paves the way for us to live and connect in real time.
Here's to uncomfortably slowing down. To allowing being instead of doing. I hope you find those 10 minutes today and every day. You're never alone in this journey. As always, thanks for being here.
Support for Your Journey
At Reset Brain and Body, we support clients through seasonal transitions, foundational and holistic wellness, parenting fatigue, and nervous system regulation. If this resonates with you, you’re not alone. Our team is here to walk with you—through the overwhelm and into presence.
Ready to reconnect to yourself this summer?
Explore our mindfulness-based therapy offerings or fill out a new client inquiry form.
This week’s Tools, Gratitude, Innovation, Feels
Tools: I have a designated journal just for my moments of connection. It does not contain rogue grocery lists or to-do items. Do you have something sacred that prompts you to pause and reflect? If not, go out and get yourself one.
Gratitude: The sibling workshop I listened to was by none other than Dr. Becky. If you struggle with parenting in difficult situations, I highly recommend Dr. Becky’s clear, to-the-point style. I have a Good Inside subscription that has come in handy many times. I’m so grateful for her consistent, productive advice.
Innovation: I’m constantly learning what it’s like to parent as a neurodivergent mom with a neurodivergent husband and a neurodivergent child (at least 1). My friend Hasti has assembled an incredible moms group to support parents in this camp. I’m grateful she’s already my friend and fellow school-parent and thrilled she’s extending her expertise to our community. More truthful, vulnerable, honest conversations for the unique differences in parenting in neurodivergent land are essential. Thank you, dear friend.
Feels: Speaking of which, I think many of you know my obsession with the Telepathy Tapes podcast. I tell anyone I meet about them. I believe there was a before and after in my life due to this podcast series. I met a lovely family on the beach this past weekend whose eldest daughter is autistic. We started talking about telepathy and their daughter’s skills, often “pinging” them with information. I was so in awe, inspired, and filled with warmth for this family. I hope more people can remain open to understanding, listening, and seeing those in our autistic community for what they are: intelligent, magical beings. We can learn a lot about connection from them. I hope we do.