This Gift is Off-Limits: No More Phones
This article is part of our weekly TGIF newsletter series. To get these in your inbox weekly, sign up below:
Beware the Phone on Your Child’s Wishlist
I know many kids have smartphones on their holiday lists this year. And of course they do - all their friends have them, they are missing out on so much going on, left out of conversations and plans, need to make sure they can get ahold of you if plans change, and of course, absolutely need them for schoolwork.
The temptation is real and convincing. I’ve heard dozens of stories about parents being presented with elaborate slide decks from their 9, 10, and 12-year-olds explaining why they absolutely must have a phone this year.
And you’re impressed. They have done their research! They are demonstrating thoughtfulness and maturity! Surely they should be able to handle a mini computer in their pocket now. You trust them. They are a good kid. Perhaps it’s time to allow them to make choices about what’s best for their future - look, they even subtitled the slide deck.
While your tween or teen may present a rational argument, I want to assure you: they do not know what’s best for them. I know that sounds harsh and very anti-child-sovereignty, and probably flies in the face of my kid’s Montessori school’s values of “following the student.”
Consider the Risks Involved
But we continue to live in unprecedented times when it comes to technology. 2025 has alarmingly accelerated AI’s role in our lives, embedding itself into our emails, images, friendships, and even therapy. While technology promised us greater connection, it has now been proven that the tech boom in social media has only made us more disconnected and lonely. AI too is promising companionship and accessibility, while kids are foregoing real friendships for the mistaken ones with an AI bot, and now shows some grave consequences.
In fact, today I’m sharing the entire presentation we give to schools and parents across the state on how to mindfully navigate the digital age and take back control in your family from the negative influences of technology. This is my gift for you, (happy holidays!) and I hope you really make use of it.
What is our job as a parent?
As you move to navigate your children’s requests, I want to urge you to remember your own sovereignty - your ability, as an adult, to make choices that may feel tough in the moment but have longer-term gain. As parents, it’s not our job to make our kids’ lives easier without adversity. In fact, I’d challenge us all to stop optimizing our kids’ lives. There is too much snow-plowing and helicoptering, and kids are losing their ability to build confidence through hard work, perseverance, and overcoming tricky situations.
Our job as parents is not to make our children happy or to optimize for their happiness; our job is to set boundaries and stay strong when they are happy or unhappy with us. It’s not gentle parenting - it’s secure parenting. Our job is to keep them safe, and in that safety, we make hard decisions like no technology, screen time limits, family sit-down dinners, less desserts, and going to bed on time. If we don’t give them boundaries, then they will think that the world is all about them and their happiness and everything that they need - and I don’t think that makes for a healthy society.
And isn’t that what we all want? A healthy society? To bravely stand up against what we know is wrong, rather than sicken ourselves by adapting and conforming to the powers that be?
As spiritual teacher Krishnamurti says, “It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”
Big hug, and happy holidays. If you’re still considering gifts for your kids, think quality gifts of time, experiences, and real-world encounters with nature. I know you can do this.
Support for Your Mental Health
At Reset Brain and Body, we support clients through foundational and holistic wellness, nervous system regulation, and more. If this resonates with you, you’re not alone. Our team is here to walk with you—through the overwhelm and into presence.
Ready to begin your healing journey?
Explore our unique approach to foundational wellness or fill out a new client inquiry form.
Conscious Transparency: This newsletter was edited by AI for grammar, spelling, and sentence structure, but every idea, tone of voice, perspective, and word choice was my own. This newsletter is imperfect because a human wrote it. Thank you for your graciousness.
This week’s Tools, Gratitude, Innovation, Feels
Tools: The regulations for AI and social media are also completely outdated and truly non-existent when it comes to protecting our kids online. If you’re waiting for Congress to do something, as Australia’s brave leadership did, then you’ll be waiting for a long time. In fact, there’s a very controversial executive order proposed that would disallow even states from having authority over how they manage AI. Click on that link and sign a petition to have your governor represent your interests.
Gratitude: I’ve shared about this phone before, and I’m so grateful to this company for meeting the need for connection in non-digital ways. It’s the gift my boys are most excited about this year, and I’m looking forward to creating a phone book journal and watching their excitement when it rings.
Innovation: In our social media presentation, we also discuss how to teach kids boundaries and self-control. If you have a neurotypical kid who is well-skilled with those restraints, great. But most kids need us to set boundaries for them. Timers, limits, and restrictions are all great - and I’m grateful many companies offer such parental controls. But you MUST use them. Our kids, regardless of neurological wiring, ALL need support with turning off the dopamine switch. As I mentioned in the presentation, we must avoid the toxic trio - boredom, bedrooms, and darkness. I bet you’ve found yourself in that situation too, scrolling alone in your bed or while your spouse sleeps next to you for hours, going down dark corners. Now, consider if you were 15. What messages are you getting? Which algorithm is now tracking your interests to keep you there and engaged? It’s a dangerous place.
Feels: If you find yourself 1 week before Christmas thinking you haven’t gotten your kid enough - pause - you have. Instead of more things, consider giving them your attention, your time, a weekly breakfast date, a football game outside, or a longer bedtime routine to answer all their questions. They don’t need more stuff. The connection they are longing for is already available - it’s you.