A Therapist’s Perspective on Hope, Healing, and Community
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So-Called Social “Fixes”
Do you remember the movie Fast Food Nation with Greg Kinnear? It’s 20 years old now, but was originally based on a book that came out around the turn of the millennium. At the time of release, what people suspected was an inconvenient truth - all these drive-thru meals were making lives easier in the short run, but damaging millions through poor health, poor labor conditions, animal cruelty, and political jockeying.
Over time, we’ve seen a decline in fast-food sales and a rise in demand for more nutrient-dense options at these restaurants and convenience stores around the country. Eventually, with more knowledge, people came to terms with the unsettling truths, changed their behavior, and requested changes from the industry. Arguably, the fast food industry is not a glimmer of American health, but it does demonstrate a receptivity to feedback and a positive reaction to social pressure.
Many industries that once felt like the salve for American life - stressful, busy, gritty - have been exposed as not the quick-fix, but rather an additive to the problems. The tobacco industry is another prime example, and over the last decade, social media companies have been exposed as causing more harm (knowingly, too!). Brave journalists are actively trying to hold social media companies accountable by educating adults and children about the harms.
The Culture of Convenience
We’re not a long way off from AI companies finding the hot seat, too. I recently finished the novel, Cupability, and it’s a must-read. I’d love to talk to more people about it because it left me with so many thoughts and feelings about how human responsibility will integrate with AI morality…if there even is such a thing.
And yet, despite the backlash and known harmful impacts, we still have millions (if not billions) of users - of AI, social media, fast fashion, Amazon Prime, tobacco, and processed foods. It’s not because all of us are morally negligent - it’s because we’ve accustomed ourselves to a culture of convenience. And convenience does not equate to connection.
I know it sounds contradictory when I say we lack connection because we have our pocket devices that serve incredibly well to stay connected - to news, loved ones, the weather, email, music, movies, stocks, football scores - so what are we getting wrong?
Tonight driving home from soccer practice my 5 year old said, “mama, what does isolate mean?” I didn’t catch him at first - we were talking about “icing a finger” so I figured he got it wrong. But, as a second born strongly does, he corrected me and asked again. “Isolate,” I replied, “means to separate, to put someone or something a part and alone - away from others.”
Building the village is inconvenient.
Let me ask you to reflect: How often do you see people out to dinner and instead of talking, they are on their phones? How often do you choose to text instead of picking up the phone and calling someone? What about the times you choose to do self-check-out, order items online, ask for curbside drop-off and grocery delivery? Are these activities done in connection or in isolation?
As a mom, I hear often of women asking - where is my village? They feel alone and lonely, without the help and communal parenting available fabled to new parents. But here’s the thing - to build a village - to build community and connection - you have to get past convenience. To village is to get uncomfortable in order to build something worthy of our attention and inconvenience.
I’d also argue that our convenience is layered in the work of boundary settings: “self-care,” “protecting our peace,” and reclaiming rest. I want to say yes to all of those things. I advocate and fiercely protect these things for myself and encourage them for others. However, if our boundaries and needs lead us into further isolation and separation, I do not think they are doing us well.
Healing as a Community
We tend to shut down and shut in when the world feels too much - relying on DoorDash, Instacart, Instagram, TikTok, Netflix, and Spotify to get our needs met. We delegate and outsource our connection in the name of rest and self-care, when we’re actually outsourcing our humanity and opportunities for meaningful relationships.
When we disguise our isolation as protection, we’re missing what it means to truly show up and be in this world - as uncomfortable as it may be. To be human is to confront diversity, adversity, challenge - so that we may find our strength, courage, and shared vulnerability.
When crisis happens and we’re burdened with grief, does it feel more supportive to scroll and post atrocities on our Stories or would it feel better to put on a coat, get outside and attend a vigil with your community? One is done from the comfort of your bed, the other requires mittens and actually joining in with the world. And the latter matters - because healing can only be done in a collective.
Too often when we “heal” alone, we get really warped by our own stories and uniqueness. We put up walls and shut people out for the sake of what we think is our new healthy boundaries and self-advocacy. While that may be necessary in the short term to turn attention to yourself, too much of it and you start to become self-obsessed, self-important and unable to share the humanness with others.
Get offline, go outside.
If you want community, connection and a a village - you have to first step outside your door:
You have to put down your phone and look up and smile at strangers, talk to people in the waiting room and get out from behind a screen to have conversations.
You have to show up - at work, in the office, at your neighbors, at the birthday party, at the funeral, at the yoga studio and coffee shop.
You have to stay a while, maybe even become a regular, as you observe people coming and going, greeting neighbors and exchanging pleasantries.
You have to take out your earbuds and listen - to eavesdrop on conversations that may spark an interupption - an opportunity to say, “wow, me too”.
You have to show up with a bag of bagels instead of sending a text, to pick up their kids from school, to plan playdates and group dates and get the babysitter and go to the show.
Our healing is in the collective - the energy of coming together, sharing spaces, exchanging ideas and grief. I long for more of these spaces but I, too, have to get outside my home (especially in these winters!), and resist the urge to isolate and create my den in order to feel safe and nourished. At Reset, our theme for 2026 is collaborate - to come together to create something. Maybe, can we come together to at least create hope.
Maybe, just maybe, that can be your intention this year too.
Warm hugs. Thanks as always for being here.
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Conscious Transparency: This newsletter was edited by AI for grammar, spelling, and sentence structure, but every idea, tone of voice, perspective, and word choice was my own. This newsletter is imperfect because a human wrote it. Thank you for your graciousness.
This week’s Tools, Gratitude, Innovation, Feels
Tools: Opal App continues to be my absolute favorite way to get myself off my phone and present in life. I find myself enjoying moments of transition so much more, because the app blocks the ability to scroll or check my email for the 800x that day.
Gratitude: I had SO MUCH fun presenting to Novi School District’s Parent Camp community last weekend. I spoke about Parenting in the Age of Overstimulation and I was so grateful for a terrific audience - very engaged, present and full of awesome feedback. I love getting out and doing in person talks - they truly are my most favorite part of my job and the connection that is created through live validation is so special.
Innovation: I am obsessed with this article about how Healing is Making Us Mean - and I really agree with so many of the points. As a psychotherapist, I’ve seen this - the distorting of the real meaning of therapy to instead be a mechanism for essentially more narcissism.
Feels: It’s been a heavy season. January has felt like 900 days. I’m so glad February is around the corner and maybe see some temperature increases, but it’s not going to change the on-going sentiment culturally. And yet, I’m really tired of doom and gloom and negativity and hopelessness. I think it’s a privilege to be in despair when what the world really needs is courage and hope. And that’s the real work of change. Your cynicism isn’t doing anything. (I have a lot of feelings on this, stay tuned for a future TGIF edition to cover this sentiment…;) )