Why “Never Settle” Isn’t Always Right
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Hi, community.
Around this time of year, the pressure to change and do more is omnipresent. As New Year goals and Words of the Year make their way around, it can be familiar to want to push yourself to achieve, master, and overcome.
I too recognize the annual desire to transform and accomplish. It’s a beautiful thing to want to renew. However, being mindful of my own go-getter, this year I’m attempting more slowing and more stopping in my pursuits for what I want.
TOOLS
I’ve had right-side hip and low back pain for months. After my accident last year I went into physical therapy for my concussion, head and neck injuries. I felt relief not only when I physically had treatment but also when I finally sat in silence and did an amazing mind-body meditation to ask my body what I needed to know about my pain.
In the experience, I realized I was really, really angry. So in my meditation, I let the feelings of anger swell up, let myself cry, let myself acknowledge the rage for what had happened. Days later, I reported zero pain.
My massage therapist who’s been working with me for months asked me to do the same thing for my lingering hip pain. I thought I had been connecting to my body - I was back in yoga, running, walking in nature, and journaling. I thought I was connecting the dots while doing the physical therapy…but the pain continued.
So once again I used our tools of mind-body awareness and sat with the pain and started asking my body. And the answer blew me away while also softening my entire body, including my hip.
GRATITUDE
Have you seen or listened to the musical Hamilton? Well, there’s this song, Satisified, that in my household has been referenced towards me often.
All my life I’ve struggled with contentment, satisfaction, and fear of missing out. The fear of not living this one, precious life I have to the fullest drives many of my actions. So I have a pattern of setting BHAGs, crushing timelines, and letting fear drive my motivations.
Going into 2022, my family and I have started to really settle down. While grateful, this “settling” has been terrifying for me. My mind usually pin-balls between thoughts like:
WHAT IF I MISS OUT ON SOMETHING?
WHAT IF I AM MEANT TO BE DOING SOMETHING ELSE?
WHAT IF I SHOULD LIVE SOMEWHERE ELSE?
WHAT SCHOOL SHOULD MY SON GO TO?
WHAT IF THERE IS A BABY GIRL WAITING TO JOIN OUR FAMILY?
IS THIS IT?
AM I DEPRIVING MYSELF OF SOMETHING, UNKNOWINGLY?
IF THIS IS IT, AND IT’S GREAT, WHAT IF IT ALL GETS TAKEN AWAY?
THE WORLD IS ENDING AND I’M THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS IT!
I described this feeling as a mixture of being like Chicken Little in the Coal Mine to my therapist. Anxiety is fun. ;)
INNOVATION
Goodness. I often feel crazy and so alone in these thoughts. Part of me knows it is my Type A personality to plan. I also recognize that I’m naturally a bigger thinker. My drive to “never settle” is exactly why I’ve been able to create the life I have and I can be very, very grateful for that part of me.
However, the incessant “is this it, what more is there, and what more can I experience?” questioning is exhausting for me and my loved ones.
So, examining the fear of missing out on a “better life” has been a focus, instead of "what goals can I set for an even better, bigger life?”. I’ve had to dig into my habits, patterns of thoughts, childhood experiences, my family of origin history, and so much shame to really understand it.
I also know that my wanderlusting, future tripping, and essentially scarcity mindset also drives so much of my abundance-seeking and indulgence behaviors. Behaviors that ultimately leave me feeling more shame and perpetuate a critic-rebel feedback loop.
And this needed to change.
FEELS
The message my body sent me when I asked it about my hip pain?
I will be satisfied.
When I say this out loud, every tense area of my body relaxes. I read it and my breathing slows. I remember to drop into my mantra to trust and surrender. To take it moment by moment and just find the flow in the present moment.
When I feel into this life right now and let go of my future tripping, I am grateful and celebratory. This inner hunger I feel, while I appreciate it, I can resolve with trust. I trust that I will never be deprived of anything truly worthwhile. I trust that whatever is meant for me will come back again and again. I can stay open to the flow of life and that no plans are ever permanent. I can ease into the fluidity.
And interestingly enough, I know through energy healing and chakra work that at my hips lie my sacral energy - the energy of desire and fulfillment. To be “stuck” there is to fear deprivation of getting my needs met.
Trusting the flow of life’s opportunities eases my own discomforts and physical pains. I will be satisfied. Ease, peace, calm… slowing down, less pressure, less force, more stopping.
It’s always there. Just need to muddle through to receive the wisdom. And the journey is always worth it.
