TGIF: My 2022 Resolutions
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Dear Community,
I come to you today a bit frazzled, a bit undone, and deeply committed to being present through it all. I read something that said, “We’re two years in and tired and drained, and doing it all over again feels insurmountable”.
You’ve seen it- the “2020, too” memes. But as I talked about at the end of 2021, I’m holding onto hope and the belief in my own resilience. Our collective resilience.
So for today, I’m sharing with you my 2022 resolutions. Moreso intentions…purposeful and with a good old determination mixed with lots and lots of grace. I hope that they give you some validation and inspiration and that sharing my intentions for 2022 with you will help keep me accountable!
TOOLS
1. I will not be on my phone in front of my kids.
I’m starting off audacious! These tools, our phones, have become addictive menaces to our mental and emotional health. Do you know how I know?
Over the break, I noticed how every adult had a rectangle, glowing appendage. I thought how if I time traveled from the 1930s I would be frightened by this seemingly alien invasion of a third, glowing hand. While I was shaken, I was also sad.
I’ve been in the situation, many times, when I’m talking to someone and then a message flies across their watch or their phone dings. Their attention immediately shifts away from our conversation, with no regard to my feelings. It makes me feel unimportant. I take it personally. It hurts. It makes me mad. It lowers my self-esteem.
Then I imagine how my kids must feel. How all the kids must feel. As they are tugging at our pants while we’re just finishing an email, baby!”. Or as they want to play on the ground and we’re “just finishing up an Instacart order!”. Or as they are running their heart out at soccer practice and we’re “just catching up on Instagram to see what the neighbors did on vacation!”. You get the point.
The kids feel unimportant. The kids feel devalued. The kids feel sad and mad. They act out, they cry out, they demand our attention through negative action.
This isn’t just little kids. The same goes for adolescents, adults, and our peers. How are people supposed to build a sense of self-esteem if whenever they're around other people, that person is more interested in whatever is on their phone?
And the biggest problem of it all is that these devices are made to be addicting. We’re addicted to distracting our way through boredom. We’re addicted to having instant access to information. We are pained by FOMO if we’re not constantly plugged in.
So, I’m starting with boundaries. No phones around the kids. Then my spouse. Then my colleagues. I plug the phone in the kitchen and leave it there at bedtime. I leave it on the desk in the office. I set rules with my coworkers to not text important work things. I move my apps around, delete a ton, and practice disinterest in the online world and more interest in the world right in front of me.
GRATITUDE
But isn’t instant access to everything we need so gratifying? So for my second resolution, I am setting the intention to:
2. Replace gratify with gratitude.
Gratification is an action. It’s a behavior that seeks reward and satisfaction. Gratifying my wants and needs….regardless now intentional or impulsive they are. Gratification leads to binge behavior like food, shopping, or drinking. Gratification doesn’t take much effort, especially with an addictive tool to bring me whatever I want to know or need or order or to avoid at that moment.
Gratitude is a state of mind. Gratitude is not seeking more in order to be satisfied but already feeling satisfied. Gratitude is a feeling, not a doing. By replacing gratification with more gratitude, I’m empowering myself to slow down my impulses and get curious about when I am reaching for more - an Amazon purchase, a glass of wine, another episode, my phone…
So, I am going to practice asking myself “What do I really need at this moment?”. Temptation lasts 90 seconds. Can I ride through that wave, sit in the discomfort and then come through it better intended? Can I handle the stress of a day and unwind organically without reaching for something to self-soothe instantly?
I’m going to continually examine my coping mechanisms and slow down my responses. In doing so, I hope to drop into more present awareness for what I already have and remind myself of my courage and strength to persevere.
INNOVATION
3. Practice a “no excuses” attitude with my health.
Hard truth: the novel Coronavirus isn’t so novel anymore. The Covid 19-pound weight gain joke also isn’t so cute as we’re now on our way into the third year with this thing. While the last couple of years has been unbelievably hard to maintain self-care, especially for working parents, I’m reminded more and more that life’s instabilities are certain. With that acceptance, I have to learn how to adapt, remain fluid, and continually put myself up on the list to take care of in spite of what else comes up.
Every day that the childcare falls through, someone gets sick, a crisis happens, someone needs me, or the news is terrifying is another excuse to derail my self-care. In accepting the ongoing disturbances in my best-laid plans, I am planning on the easeful versus resentful pivot.
One of my favorite movies is Dan in Real Life. At the very end the lead character played by Steve Carrell says,
“Instead of telling our young people to plan ahead, we should tell them to plan to be surprised”.
The surprises are inevitable. Some surprises are great, some are harder. Either way, I expect surprises and so I build flexibility. I move a yoga class to a quick 15-minute cardio session. I have a surprise, joyful day with the kids, and emails wait. I lean in to what is, versus what I lost in the chaos. In doing so, I maintain a level head so I stay more at peace and more fluid.
What we resist, persists. In simply accepting that life will never be a series of well-planned, perfectly executed days, I maintain a malleable mindset to still take care of my own needs. Is it ideal? No. Is it everything I wish for a day? Not at all. But is it good enough while preserving my health? It is. It can be. It will be.
FEELS
I guess there’s a theme here. 2021 left me feeling so tired. It also left me feeling guilty and mad at myself. I struggled to feel like I was doing enough, being enough and I was spending so much time trying to control the future while being so scared.
Uncertainty got the best of me. My anxiety and fears took over more often than I like to admit and I’m exhausted feeling this way. As we get into a new year, rather than the burnout running me further into the ground, I’m letting it all go. So…
4. I will bravely take things day by day.
It sounds simple enough, but when you’re an anxious person it is super hard not to worry about the future. Especially in the messy world we’ve been living in. There are some tangible things I’ve done just this week to help me maintain this practice. Because, kid you not, this is a practice. Every day. Every hour.
“The unknown is where all outcomes are possible, enter it with grace”.
Thank you Yogi tea bags. I have been reciting this many times a day. Just like the quote from Dan in Real Life, why do we assume the unknown is just bad outcomes? Why are surprises assumed to be bad?
To live by my own tattooed mantra on my wrists, to truly trust and surrender is to not approach each day with fear and nerves. It is okay to be afraid of the uncertainties of life, but I can also bring forward courage and grace.
And the things that keep me up at night? I have channeled that energy to real action instead of useless ruminations, like finding reputable causes to donate to. Me living day by day is me living as my best self. My best self spreads lightness, joy, and gratitude instead of fear and anxiety.
While the state of the world is messy and overwhelming, I am choosing to be brave and not fall victim to that mess. I’m also trusting that those out there that are not completely overwhelmed by feelings all the time are getting things done in ways I cannot. Thank goodness we’re not all empaths!
Presence. Gratitude. Flow. Courage.
Here, here, 2022.
