How to Teach Consent to Babies, Kids, and Adolescents
By Chidimma Ozor Commer, PhD, LMSW
Consent isn’t just a teen conversation—it begins in early childhood. Babies, toddlers, and kids learn about bodily autonomy long before other environments like daycare, school, and dating enters the picture.
Yet many parents feel unsure about how to introduce consent without overwhelming, scaring, or scaring their children. And sometimes because parents have allowed fear or uncertainty guide this aspect of their parenting, issues that could have been averted are now part of their child(ren)’s life.
Therapeutic Lens: To be clear, consent in childhood is about teaching safety, respect, empowerment, and embodied awareness—not sexuality.
This blog offers age-appropriate, therapist-approved guidance to help parents teach consent naturally from babyhood through adolescent years, laying the foundation for self-worth, boundaries, and respectful relationships later in life..
1. Start in Babyhood: Modeling Consent Through Everyday Interactions
Why it matters: Babies learn relational patterns through tone, touch, and predictability. Consent starts with body autonomy, not dating.
Therapeutic Approaches:
Narrate your actions: “I’m going to pick you up now.” You can even ask, “Is it okay for mama to change your diaper?” While you know that you won’t receive a verbal response through spoken word, starting to engage with your child through respectful communication sets the stage for them to learn to have autonomy and agency with their bodies.
Slow down before touching, diaper changes, or clothing changes—give space for the child to register what’s happening.
Respect cues like turning away or leaning back; these are early non-verbal boundaries.
How this teaches consent:
Kids learn that their body belongs to them.
They learn people must respond to their cues.
It normalizes communication instead of forced compliance (a trauma-prevention approach).
Therapeutic reflection prompt:
“How was consent—or lack of consent—modeled in my own childhood? How do I want to do it differently?”
2. Use Clear, Respectful Language About Bodies and Boundaries
Why it matters: Children are safer when they can accurately identify their body parts and express their boundaries and this begins at home.
Therapeutic Principles:
Use correct, anatomical terms—this helps reduce shame and promotes safety. If something happens to your child, they are better able to speak precisely when they are armed with the facts of correct, anatomical language.
Teach emotional boundaries:
“You don’t have to hug anyone if you don’t want to.” Honoring this especially with other family members will build more trust with your child and deposits goodwill, love, empathy, compassion, and understanding with your child.
Explain that consent involves both asking AND listening:
“Would you like a hug?”
“Would you like me to help you with that?”
“Is it okay if I sit next to you?”
Developmentally appropriate applications:
Toddlers: learning that “stop” and “no” are complete sentences. When your child says “stop” or “no”—or when another child says it to them—it’s important to teach what those words mean, how to honor them, and how to respond respectfully.
School-age kids: practicing how to ask for consent during play. “Is it okay if I share this toy with you?”
Adolescents: expanding the idea of consent into emotional boundaries and digital safety. “I would like to take a break right now.” “I don’t want to be tagged in any photos on social media.”
Shared Parent + Child Therapeutic Prompt:
“When does my body feel like a ‘yes’? When does it feel like a ‘no’? What helps me listen to those feelings?”
3. Normalize Boundary-Setting and Repair in Everyday Life
Why it matters: Kids need opportunities to practice boundaries and learn that relationships can repair after a rupture. That emotional safety is part of consent education. This can look like a parent saying to their child, “I am sorry that I gave you a kiss on your forehead after you asked me not to.” Or a child saying to their parent, “I’m sorry I didn’t listen when you told me you needed a little break.”
Therapeutic strategies:
Let kids say “no” to physical affection without guilt or pressure. This includes with extended family. Even when family means well, it is emotionally manipulative for an adult to tell a child that their “feelings are hurt” if a child isn’t interested in a hug or a kiss.
Model receiving a boundary well:
“Thank you for telling me you don’t want a hug right now. I’m proud you spoke up.”
Teach them to check in with others during play:
“Are you still having fun?”
“Do you want me to stop?”
“Do you want to play something else?”
Teach repair:
Apologize when you cross a boundary. Short, to the point, honest, and genuine apologies are the best.
Encourage kids to do the same:
“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you didn’t want to keep playing that way.”
Therapeutic reflection prompt:
“What feelings come up for me when my child sets a boundary? What can that teach us both?”
4. Strengthen Emotional Intelligence and Self-Worth
Why it matters: Kids who know their worth are more likely to protect their boundaries and respect others’ boundaries as well. Starting children off at early ages with knowledge of consent and boundaries will serve them well as they get older.
Therapeutic skills to build:
Name emotions regularly. “What are you feeling?” “I felt sad when you didn’t listen to me when I told you I wasn’t having fun anymore.”
Validate the child’s experiences (“It makes sense you felt uncomfortable”).
Let them make age-appropriate choices (clothing, activities, friendships).
If you as a parent need additional coaching support, consider therapy.
Why this supports consent:
Emotional literacy → clearer boundaries.
Self-worth → less susceptibility to pressure.
Autonomy → internal ability to make safe, aligned decisions.
Kid/Adolescent therapeutic prompt:
“What makes me feel respected? What makes me feel disrespected?”.
What is the purpose of teaching consent early?
Teaching consent early isn’t about preparing kids for dating—it’s about raising emotionally aware, boundary-respecting humans from the start. The more children learn about boundaries, the better for everyone.
Therapeutic message: Each moment you honor your child’s autonomy, you build a foundation of safety, trust, and self-worth they’ll carry into every relationship. They will know what it feels like to be in a safe and trusting relationship that honors their self-worth.
Empowerment: Parents don’t need to get this perfect—just consistent, compassionate modeling makes all the difference. If you feel you need support, check out CONSENTparenting and a therapist you connect with. This is your invitation to use therapy as a space to unpack your own childhood conditioning around boundaries, respect, and consent.
Ready to start your healing journey? Our therapists specialize in providing trauma-informed care. Contact us to begin your healing journey today.
