How to Teach Your Teen Consent, Respect, and Self-Worth
By Chidimma Ozor Commer, PhD, LMSW
Today’s teens are navigating dating in a world filled with complex messages about sex, relationships, and body autonomy—many of which are unhealthy, confusing, or contradictory. There’s not always an open line of communication between teens and their parent(s) or caregivers which can lead to less than desirable consequences.
Parents often want to teach their children about consent and respect, but they don’t know where to start, especially when teens seem resistant, embarrassed, or closed off.
Therapeutic Lens: And just so that we are clear, consent isn’t just about sex; it’s about respect, communication, boundaries, and understanding one’s body and emotions.
This blog offers therapeutic ways to teach your teen about consent, with built-in therapeutic journal prompts for both you and your teen to deepen these conversations and foster emotional intelligence, empathy, compassion, and understanding.
1. Start with Emotional Safety and Self-Awareness
Why it matters: Consent begins with knowing your own wants, boundaries, discomfort cues, and communication style. Both parents and teens benefit from learning the emotional vocabulary needed for healthy relationships. And consent is not always sexual. It can be related to your child or teen not wanting to hug a family member at family gathers or even not wanting a hug from you even as their parent.
How therapy supports this:
Therapy can help a parent or parents model emotional regulation and communication. How are you feeling? If you’re dysregulated, what would be helpful for your emotional regulation? What do need to communicate to yourself, to your partner, to your co-parent, or to your teen?
Therapy can help teens identify their feelings vs. peer pressure from their friends. Therapy can also help distinguish between desire vs. anxiety as well as between a clear and convincing “yes” vs. a “not sure.”
Practical ways to teach:
Practice naming body sensations linked to stress or safety.
Normalize stating preferences: “I don’t want a hug right now.” And not only normalizing stating preferences, it is important for parents to honor their teens preferences when it comes to body autonomy and agency with respect to touch.
Encourage conversations about healthy vs. unhealthy relationship expectations.
Therapeutic journal prompts:
For the Parent: “What did I learn about boundaries when I was a teen? How does that influence the way I talk about consent now?”
For the Teen: “What signs does my body give me when I’m uncomfortable? What helps me feel safe?”
2. Teach that Consent Is Clear, Ongoing, Enthusiastic, and Reversible
Why it matters: Teens need help understanding that consent isn’t a one-time nod but a continuous process requiring awareness and respect with each encounter. Just because your teen has consented to something once, doesn’t mean it is an open invitation. Consent must be granted with each encounter. Moreover, it is also important to acknowledge that in the state of Michigan, the age of consent is 16.
Therapeutic principles to integrate with your teen:
It’s important for your teen to know that consent must be freely given each time, and that they should not be pressured into providing consent.
“No” is not negotiable and “yes” must feel like they are making a choice for themselves and not out of fear of harm, retaliation, or reprisal.
Consent applies to both physical and emotional boundaries (texting, social media, expectations, etc). For example, if they have asked to not be tagged in photos on social media, their friend should honor that request.
How to make this age-appropriate:
For young teens it might be helpful to focus on physical boundaries, body autonomy, and peer pressure and identifying these. Role playing could help your teen feel more confident with a real-life conversation.
For older teens you might want to add conversations about sexual boundaries, digital consent, and healthy partnerships. Again, role playing could be helpful.
Maintaining open, clear, and respectful communication that doesn’t feel judgmental and is also without blame or shame is useful for conversations with any teen regardless of their age.
Therapeutic journal prompts:
For the Parent: “What makes me nervous about discussing consent? What messages do I want my teen to hear from me instead of the internet?”
For the Teen: “What does a respectful ‘yes’ look like? What does a pressured ‘yes’ feel like? How can I tell the difference?”
Important therapeutic note: If you have experienced non-consensual physical or emotional violations, please speak with a mental health provider if you haven’t already to support your healing as you simultaneously support the emotional development of your teen. It can be challenging to avoid projecting onto your teen your lived experience. You will want to go into these challenging conversations feeling like you’re on your own healing journey.
3. Model Respectful, Boundary Honoring Behavior at Home
Why it matters: Teens learn more from what adults do than what adults say. A home where boundaries are honored becomes a natural training ground for consent. Even children as young as age 2-4 can understand boundaries and consent when they have been taught boundaries and consent in an age-appropriate way. Moreover, they know it in their beings when their parent(s) and caregivers have honored their boundaries.
Therapeutic ways to model consent:
Ask before hugging your teen or entering their room. Ensure that other family members follow your lead
Respect their privacy (digital and physical) and have consistent conversations about what shared trust as well as oversight and parenting can look like.
Show how adults negotiate disagreements without coercion.
Encourage communication in both directions like:
“Is now a good time to talk?”
“Do you want advice or just someone to listen?”
Why it works: Teens who experience respected boundaries internalize that they deserve respect — and must give it.
Therapeutic journal prompts:
For the Parent: “How do I respond when my teen sets a boundary? Is there room for me to improve?”
For the Teen: “What boundaries do I want more of at home? How can I communicate them respectfully? Are there areas for me to improve when others set boundaries with me?”
Teaching Consent is an Ongoing Process
Teaching teens consent isn’t a one-time “talk.” It’s an ongoing practice rooted in communication, emotional literacy, and modeling. If you need additional support, here are two resources: CONSENTparenting and parenting groups dedicated to intentionally engaging with technology like Parenting in a Tech World.
Therapeutic message: Consent is an act of self-love and respect—toward oneself and others. When parents approach consent with openness, compassion, and clarity, teens feel safer, wiser, and more confident in their dating lives. And they are more apt to tell you if something is not going right in their relationships, romantic or otherwise.
Need additional support? Please explore these conversations with a therapist or counselor if the topic brings up their own unresolved experiences.
Ready to start your healing journey? Our therapists specialize in providing trauma-informed care. Contact us to begin your healing journey today.
